Bookstores opening and closing.

POSTSCRIPT: I've decided not to do this. Unlike downtown Bend where I can see with my own two eyes who's opening and closing, this seems too muddy. Too many variations -- movings, consolidatings, expandings, changings, etc. to be clear cut.


It seems like just about every week, a bookstore is closing, according to the website, Shelf Awareness.

Then again, just about every week, a bookstore is opening.

I'm very tempted to start up a list of Openings and Closings for Bookstores, since no one else seems to be doing it. Only this time, a national list.

Of course, I don't think Shelf Awareness is making any pretense about being a complete accounting; there are probably stores opening and closing under their radar. Still -- it might be revealing.

I'm going to go ahead and start the list, and then post it at the beginning of every month; starting with March, 2011 entries.

I'm leaving the above as a permanent introduction:

BOOKSTORES OPENING:

Heirloom Book Company, Charleston, SC, 3/4/11.

BOOKSTORES CLOSING:

Emerson and Cook Book Company, Old Saybrook, Connecticut, 3/7/11. (38 years).

Monday melange.

Tokyo Pop, a leading manga publisher, is laying people off because Border's owes them money.

Because, you know, No One could have seen That coming....

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Linda's been writing up a storm on her laptop. Or, as we call it, the Laprecaun. Total immersion. I love it.

So I've been a writer's widower lately. I find her writing first thing in the morning, last thing at night. She comes out of her room sometimes absolutely gleeful about the creative process. Other times, she's totally distracted, lost in her fictional dream. "Ready for dinner?" "Whaaaa?" "Dinner?" "Umm......sure.......whaaa?"

It's fun to watch.

I think in the past, her writing has always spurred my writing, but this time I purposely didn't want to do that. Steal her thunder in any way. I want to be supportive.

But, I must admit, watching her I'm starting to get the itch.

**********

Two of my guys, Matt and Cameron, went to Emerald City Comicon in Seattle last weekend.

Haven't talked to them yet, but I like that they are so involved in comics that they traveled so far on their own initiative. They are both under 20 in age, so maybe there's hope for the future of comics after all.

**********

It's great that Bend is getting some new computer oriented businesses.

But, and I could be wrong here and I'll be glad to be corrected, they seem to mostly revolve around Telemarketing.

Which to me, to me, is the bottom of the high-tech barrel. I mean, a job is a job, and beggars can't be chosers, but I hate to think we're just adding more spam to the world.

***********

The weatherman has been consistently, reliably wrong lately.

And since he's been predicting bad weather, that's been a good thing.

I talked Linda out of getting her car washed last week, because the forecast was for snow and rain -- and then it didn't happen. So she washed her car on Saturday.

My car is filthy, too, so I'm getting it washed today, despite the forecast of bad weather later in the week.

This whole "chemical" stuff they are putting on the snow is a pretty recent development, I think. Used to be, you didn't have to worry about the undercarriage of the car because all they put down was lava cinders....

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Weather? Really? I'm reduced to talking about weather?

You know, when I check who's visiting my site, I see a whole lot of comic oriented links.

But everytime I post a comic book entry, I get my lowest readership.

Shouldn't matter, I suppose. That's one of the reasons that I didn't look at that information for a couple of years. I didn't want to be influenced.

Still, it just shows how few people are into comics, that even with the comic dedicated people coming to my blog, it doesn't outweigh the number of locals who are turned off.

**********

There seems to be this huge disconnect between superhero movies and what I actually do in my store.

I mean, they should be totally connected, right?

I was reading something another comic retailer was saying, and it really brought it home. He was just now getting around to watching Scott Pilgrim and Kick-Ass. Despite this, everyone wants to ask him about his opinion about all the superhero movies coming up.

Really, the movies and the comics are two different distinct things.

The movies affect sales not at all, from what I can see.

I love to go to the movies, and I'll see Green Lantern and Thor and all that, but it will be a movie experience -- and any similarity to comics, past or future, is completely coincidental.

Short reviews.

American Vampire #'s 6-11.

There are vampires, and then there are American vampires; faster, stronger, meaner, but with a warped sense of justice.

The first five issues were split between Stephen King (yes, the S.K.) writing about the first American Vampire, Skinner Sweet, an old west outlaw; and Scott Snyder, writing about a young Hollywood starlet, Pearl, who becomes the second American Vampire.

Scott Snyder writes the second story arc, and there is no drop off in quality; indeed, the first five issues were a little choppy because they were split in half. The second story is set in the great depression during the building of the Hoover damn, and the making of Las Vegas as Sin City.

My second favorite series.

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Sweet Tooth #'s 15 - 19.

My favorite current series.

Old man Jepperd comes back and redeems himself, and Sweet Tooth escapes the government installation (torture chamber) with a few of the other mutants, and they start heading toward the genesis location of the world ending bug -- in Alaska.

We start getting some of the back stories of the other characters. A very indie feel, within a genre idea.

I like post-holocaust stories, and this has a real nice human storyline.

**********

Superior #'s 2 - 4.

This is the third Icon, creator owned series for Marvel written by Mark Miller, after Kick Ass and Nemesis.

It starts out being a more innocent storyline, with a young wheelchair kid transformed into a famous superhero character in the movies by a sweet looking simian alien.

Only, I think Miller has more up his sleeve, as we see the 'sweet' alien get a Yoda look in his eye as he transforms the kid's worst bully into a super-villain with the words: "Just say you love Satan."

Oh, oh.

**********

Jennifer Blood #1.

Hot suburban housewife is transformed at night into a hot tight-leather clad vigilante.

You know, like half the current series.

This is written by Garth Ennis, and has nice art, so I'm in for the ride.

***********

Ides of Blood #4 - 6.

Hey, I'm into Rome right now. And vampires.

SPOILER ALERT.

Caesar is assassinated. Vampires. Think about it.

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Scarlett #4.

Hot suburban teenager is turned into hot, red haired vigilante. Wait. Didn't I just describe that? (Oh, I see. Red haired, and teenager; not housewife and leatherclad.)

Set in Portland, with lots of Portland locales. Who knew the police department in little old Stumptown was so corrupt.

Another Icon title, this one by Brian Bendis, and it seems to be trying to make the case that the 'street' culture is so put upon by the authorities, that 60's style radicalism is required.

Fun, though.

**********

Nemesis #4.

What if Batman was evil?

The ending twist was a bit of a letdown, frankly. Takes away from what went before, even as it sets up future stories...

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Terminator 2029 #'s 1-3.

First part of a story; second part is in 1984.

Ever wonder what Kyle Reese's story was in the future?

This was very well written, by Zack Whedon, and very much captured the feel of the first movies ( more than the later movies did, anyway.) Surprisingly straightforward and clear and enjoyable.

**********

daytripper #'s 1-7.

I'd read the first issue of this before, and didn't much like the premise.

But employee Matt has been raving about it, so I gave it another try.

He's right. It's well written, and moving, and even kinda deep. I like the artwork.

Still not sure I like the premise though.

(Sorry...I can't give you the premise without giving it all away...)

**********

Joe the Barbarian #'s 7-8.

Jasper's favorite series, and it's very well done. Amazingly detailed art.

But...

and this is a big but for any series that wants me to recommend it; the series was so late, so slow coming out, that it lost all emotional impact.

Strangely, though, now that it's actually over, I could probably recommend it, but I think I'm too irked.

Give it awhile, let the bad taste of waiting and waiting to go away (Hear, me George R.R. Martin!) I might see a way to start pushing based on merit, not behavior.

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Unwritten #'s 9 - 15.

What if a Harry Potter like series ("Only bigger!") was real.

I enjoy all the mythological and fantasy references.

Karma's a bitch.

Talking to a customer about movies.

"Only two movies I've seen lately are 127 Hours and True Grit."

"So....you only go to arm chopping movies?"

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Young guy in my store. "This is wall to wall awesome!"

"Wait. Did you come up with that, or had you heard it before? Dude, that's my new promotional slogan!"

(Googled it. It's out there; mostly referring to a wall of video games....)

**********

I love the blurb to the comic Axe Cop. "Written by a 6 year old. Drawn by his 30 year old brother." The sidekick character is an automatic weapons touting, wise-cracking dinosaur....

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Oh, great. A paranoid District Attorney.

"Citing 'extreme security problems,' Flaherty seeks move to new office." Bulletin, 3/5/11. Combined with his subpoenas for leaks, it makes him sound a little zealous.

Then again -- when you read the actual article, his requests seem reasonably reasonable.

I'm not sure taking on the local newspaper is the smartest thing for a politician to do. They can write headlines that make you sound crazy....

**********

There have been a flurry of articles about how the Big Box stores are starting to scale down, for instance, a Walmart Express.

Another word for a scaled down Big Box store is --- well, store. You know, your average store.

Wait, wasn't the Big Box store an improvement on the -- you know, store? Isn't that why they were built?

Or were they, as I've always felt, a big old Ponzi scheme -- build up and build out and fill it with merchandise and carpet bomb the neighborhood and then build another one across town, and in the next town over, and make it bigger -- and on and on to infinity?

Well, exponential growth is impossible, and eventually you start cannibalizing your own customer base -- or the other chain, which is more or less exactly like you -- the Lowes to your Home Depot, the Office Max to your Staples -- builds right across the street from you.

And the public seems to funnel itself to these massive black holes, bypassing the neighborhood store on the way.

And now these same monsters want to build -- regular stores?

But wait again. I thought the reason for the ultra cheap prices at these Big Boxes was the economy of scale? Aren't you giving that up? I thought people flocked to these Big Boxes because they have everything there is to stock. Aren't you giving that up?

So...I think it's just a continuation of the Ponzi scheme. Keep on building, keep on vacuuming up all the available dollars, and hope no one notices that they're slicing the pie thinner and thinner.

Online is going to get them in the end anyway, heh.

And then, you know, when Blockbuster and Hollywood have disappeared, won't it be interesting to see a resurgence in neighborhood video and game stores? When Borders and Barnes and Noble disappear, won't it be interesting to see a resurgence in neighborhood bookstores?

You know. Human scaled. Reality based. Alternatives to the soulless online universe.

Karma's a bitch.

Too little, too late...again.

Both Upper Deck and Panini (sports cards) are starting new programs, where they are asking me to prove my brick and mortar-ness. This has got to be about the 4th or 5th time I've had to do this over the last 30 years.

Apparently, they want to shore up the actual, real stores, instead of the online discounters, and it sounds like they're really serious this time.

20 years too late.

Too little, too late, as usual.

I was promoting this idea 20 years ago --

By now, I'm skeptical that they can really eliminate the 'gray' market, anyway. Just off the top of my head, I can see an online discounter making an arrangement with a brick and mortar store to get their product.

I said No to the Upper Deck, because I'm not really interested in non-professional sport cards.
I've never liked U.D. anyway, I think they've had some rather loose ethical standards over the years, and I can't buy everything, so screw them.

Panini's demands are frankly ridiculous and overboard (among a long list, satellite pictures of my store, really?).

I'm betting that they will have to moderate their demands, and I'll just order up to the deadline, and then, if I have too, try to jump through all their hoops.


Anyway, this is a roundabout way to get into another subject.

The sports card markets inability to understand the importance of card shops, and the always too little, too late response to their demise, is why I think publishers are going have a very difficult time calibrating the changeover to e-books.

Mostly because, it isn't really about getting the mixture right.

It's about overall intent.

The intent needs to be to support their base of support -- the bookstores. First and foremost.

And they obviously aren't going to do that.

It's taken two decades for the card industry to really realize what they did.

Oh, they had glimmerings along the way. They'd throw us a bone here and there. Make the right noises.

But ultimately, either you believe in cards and card shops, or you don't.

Ultimately, either you believe in books and bookstores, or you don't.

They'll try to have it both ways, but I know they'll bend over backward to help the online purveyors, because they'll think that is where the future is....

Whereas, I think if you don't have a flesh and bone person talking to you about books, and can't pick up and glance through and feel and smell and touch a real book -- that all the air will go out of the balloon, so quietly and so slowly that no one will realize the mistake until too late.

By then, hopefully, I'll be sitting in my home library and picking books off the shelves and reading them to my hearts content....

"That's more like it!"

Does anyone else do this? I have my route to the store timed to the second -- well, at least to the minute.

It takes me 15 minutes from my front door to the parking garage -- if I hit slow traffic and the beginning of every red light.

Subtract roughly two minutes for every red light I miss, and I can get to the parking garage in about 8 or 9 minutes.

Since I usually hit at least one green light, or a couple of half red lights, I usually have a minute or two left over to walk to the store....

Heh. If not, I'm the owner -- and two minutes late is the owner's prerogative.

**********

The Source has a "commentary": "Will Books Survive?"

Thing is, they don't talk to a single local bookseller.

I don't say it has to be me -- in fact, I would rather it not be me. But we have at least 6 booksellers in Bend, and another 3 or 4 outside of Bend. How hard can it be?

I mean, The Source is the local weekly, and if local isn't the focus of their coverage, then what are they good for? I mean, what a local weekly can do that no one else can do, is get local coverage.

Thought pieces? I can get all those I want online.

What I can't get online is the local specificity. (Also, makes a better story with some flavor and color...)

**********

Had a friend come in and tell me he's worried about me.

"You just don't seem as angry, anymore," he said. "I used to like how you were always outraged...."

He accused me of having enough "screw you" money to quit worrying.

Well -- sorta, kinda. I mean, being stressed all the time about the next paycheck can't be good for me, even if it is amusing to some people. I'm still worried about money -- but not scared to death. The store itself is stable -- one of the great ironies, is that the store was coming together after all those struggling years, just as the economy was fading. So the internals of the store were strong enough to overcome the external weaknesses. (It helped that I prepared for the bust, and saw it coming...)

Also ironic, is that I was just moving away from the "minimum wage" motif, just as I started writing this blog -- but it would be a little silly to add the words "slightly more than" minimum wage job.

I'm able to take some time off from the store these days, and without apologies. The way I can keep this store going is to continue to turn a profit -- and still have fun with it.

Anyway...

We got to talking about politics, and I started getting upset, and he said, "That's more like it!"

Warlords of Rome.

I'm reading another book about ancient Rome, this one with the rather amusingly sensationalistic title of Warlords of Republican Rome, by Nic Fields.

Sort of like Warlords of Atlantic, or Warlords of Mars. Designed to attract guys who like thud and blunder and history books. Someone, um, like me.

The actual book starts off with a rather dry recitation of the organization, weapons and history of the military; the organization of the government; followed by a straightforward history of the end of the Republic.

He argues mildly and not very convincingly that Sulla wasn't as bad as all that -- after all, after defeating Marius and eliminating (by eliminating, I mean killing) his rivals, he did retire.

He argues -- again, rather unconvincingly -- that Pompey was the greater man, but Caesar got all the press because of his assassination.

And he portrays Cicero as a glory hound and craven hypocrite. (The whole Cataline conspiracy does seem almost made up -- except the pesky fact that some of the conspirators confessed and were garroted for the trouble...)

But once again, I'm struck by what seems to be the similarities between the end of the Roman Republic and today...

Try this passage, for instance:

"Yet one of the fundamental things wrong in this period was the constant failure of the Senate to acknowledge the social and economic problems of the day. Its members chose to believe that any Roman who did try to deal with these problems was a 'revolutionary'...."

Yikes!

The book is rife with passages like this, where if you simply substituted American for Roman wouldn't be out of place in describing today.

How low will it go.

Barnes and Noble stock has been in free fall for days. I watch in horrid fascination. Stupid me.

**********

Occasionally, I get a European art book that puts actual, gasp! -- breasts -- on the cover of the book. American artbooks have the same bits inside, but not on the cover.

People are titillated by tits.

I put little paper pasties on over the offending protuberances ; but I swear, everytime I look, the same cover is askew because someone has pulled the book out of the sleeve. I pay no attention to adults looking through art books -- I figure they're adults. But I suspect there would less interest in the pearly pairs if they were actually exposed.

Really people? You haven't seen fun muffins before? Like on cable T.V. and Maxim magazine and...oh, just about any R rated movie?

Cameron's comment: he thinks we should put pasties (sticky notes) on women who are actually clothed.

**********

$130 an hour. That's what the city council is paying the "real estate consultant" for Juniper Ridge. A total of 100K.

That's a drop in the bucket to the 18 million they've spent trying to develop that white elephant.

There is no chance that their projected sales are going to happen.

I always think it necessary to point out that when they try to show success by the sales to Les Schwab, Suterra and PacifiCorp. -- that all three of these business already resided in Central Oregon -- so we pulled them away from making money for some other landlord and paying taxes and dropped them into the subsidized abyss of Juniper Ridge.

Time to put this boondoggle into mothballs and assign a city employee to monitor interest in the land.

**********

Was watching the History Detectives. What's with that show? They seem to be able to produce a new segment about every six months or so, and everything else is reruns.

And the way they 'discover' things is so patently phony that it's distracting.

Anyway, they had a thing on Coca Cola, where they showed an ad that called Coke a "brain tonic."

That's it. From now, I'm calling any soda "brain tonic."

The real world emerges.

You can always count on the real world emerging. In all its tacky, down to earth, feet of clay, deflating reality.

Tiger Woods struggles to stay great, then he struggles to stay good, then he struggles to stay relevant.

Egypt's relatively peaceful revolution is followed by Libya' violent despot trying to hold onto power no matter what.

Madoff is followed by....nothing. No one is accountable.

Fox News lies and lies and lies. Sorry, they just do. Despicable.

We elect our first black President -- and he hires the same jerks who got us into the financial mess in the first place.

Charlie Sheen is exploited by the media. "Look! A freak show!" There comes a time to avert your gaze. He's an addict. End of story.

Houses continue to decline; jobs continue to stagnate. The stock market has a glorious ride....until the next crash.

E-books are the answer -- but no one seems to be making any money.

And on it goes.....

Local crashes.

Linda and I were watching The Good Wife last night (the best show on T.V., even counting cable), and one of the plot developments is that the 'bad' husband, who is running for district attorney again despite his scandalous past, finds dirt on one of his opponents and forces him out of the race.

The final scene is the opponent giving the reasons for quitting as being -- family come first, blah, blah, blah.

"I can never listen to how people quit anymore without being skeptical," I said. "Whenever they say "family" or "business opportunities" or "health."

"Well, some people really do have health problems," Linda said.

"Everyone has health issues. But, yeah, what if your real reason for quitting is family, health or opportunities? No one will believe you, anymore..."

Same thing goes for business. I always believe people quit for lack of money, bottomline. Unless they're retiring. Even burnout or stress circles back to money. But hardly anyone gives not making money as a reason. They'll say something about losing their "lease": which is a lot like saying someone died because their heart stopped.

Anyway, I woke this morning to announcement that the "controversial CEO of Bend Memorial Cline, resigned...""...to pursue other opportunities..." Bulletin, 3/2/11.

As a native Bendite, it's been kind of sad to watch both BMC and St. Charles become so distantly corporate in business structure.



Meanwhile, the accused rapist has some "defenders" in the Bulletin article this morning. But, frankly, the defense just makes him sound worse. In fact, the whole thing makes him sound like an out of control, pill popping, skirt chasing ,high living, boundary invading, egomaniac into rough sex. At the very least, he has one of the flakiest histories I've ever heard. How many places has this guy lived? Is he a doctor, or isn't he? Does Bend attract these guys?

Oh, well. Innocent until proven guilty, I guess. But if he's innocent, he's still a bounder and a cad.

Drive Angry -- or not.

Went to see Drive Angry.

I'm telling people that I have to see "All Nic Cage movies!" which isn't strictly true, but seems to be true lately.

It lived up -- or down -- to my expectations.

No, really. It was fun. Hot cars and hot women. Exploding cars and exploding women. What more could you want? Trash of a high order.

The 3-D was effective -- I actually jumped in my seat at one object coming toward me, which has never happened before.

Review, sme-views.

**********

I can't tell if I'm really smart to buy Barnes and Noble stock or really dumb.

I bought the stock, and it immediately shot up 15%. O.K., I thought to myself, I'll sell when it hits 20% (not that I probably would've...) Then it lost the 15% gain, and dropped another 20% and it's still dropping.

I think that makes me dumb.

**********

Always interesting to read articles about how frugal people are getting.

The behavior they describe is what I've been doing all along.

Use it up, wear it out, make it do, or do without.

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Think Twice. We really are different.

I clicked Seth's Blog today, just for a change of pace.

Once again, I find him insightful and interesting. But....

There's something off-putting about him. A little too glib, somehow. A little too certain of himself. A little too much guru all-knowingness.

I suppose I ought to just read it and take away what I can, but....it seems too canned. (Of course, he probably has millions of readers....)

Anyway, he has an entry about the "right"size for a business:

"A local mom and pop store is just the right size for mom and for pop. The rent is low enough for the two of them to cover it. It's stable. They can't afford a $200,000 a year CFO. It wouldn't be a stable situation. This is backwards but here you go: businesses that exist exist because the marketplace allows them to function at the right size."

This is almost exactly what I've said in the past here. He goes on with some other very valid observations.

The only thing he leaves out, is that sometimes there is a proper size for a business -- in a specific community.

I speak of Bend, because that's what I know, but I suspect it's true everywhere.

What I notice most often in Bend is that people seem to build a little too big for us.

How can that be?

I think they probably do enough research to average out the size of a business for per capita. Or perhaps, they come from a town they perceive to be the same size as Bend, and decide we need the same sort of thing.

I've mentioned the problem of treating Bend Urban Area as the same as same sized Urban Area's elsewhere; the strange demographics, the lack of a four year college, the lack of an interstate, the lack of major industry and so on. But mostly, we are isolated, and we lack the proximity of other Urban Areas, or even moderately sized towns within an hour or so driving distance.

But I think it's more than that.

I was recently reading about the expansion of the Comic Book Shop stores in Spokane, Washington. Both stores are bigger than mine, one considerably bigger.

When I Google Spokane, I find that they have a 470K urban population, versus our 150K population. I couldn't tell if there were other comic shops, but let's say there is another one.

So: divide 470K by three, and it averages out to the same population as Bend, so maybe I should have a bigger shop!

Except: Shops aren't equal. One shop in a 470K area might draw 50% of the available customers; a second shop may draw another 35%; and the third shop may draw only 15%.

Whereas, 150k is 150k and no matter how good a job I do, that's all I can draw on. There is a numerical glass ceiling. (Oh, I could try to break it by drawing tourists, which I do, and by going online, which I don't.)

But there is also a town across the river from Spokane, Coeur d'Alene, Idaho, and if you add the two together you get 600K population. So even if you add in another shop, the draw is that much bigger if you do a good job.

I suspect there are very, very few Urban Areas in the U.S.A. that don't have similar situations. Either just down the interstate, or maybe mid-sized towns just across the river, something like that.

So if you come to Bend, and think we need a store just as big as that town you just came from that was the same population or maybe even smaller -- think twice.

Simple restaurant eating.

Simple restaurant eating, which most people take completely for granted, can be really hard for me to do.

It has occurred to me that if Linda and I are to do much traveling, especially extended trips, especially extended trips at long distances, that we may want to eat in some fine restaurants.

Something other than takeout from fast food joints; or, occasionally, sitting in a fast food joint.

I mean, that's not fair to Linda.

Over the years, I've chipped away at my agoraphobia, so that now I rarely feel a twinge in any movie theater, or walking the streets shopping, or in most stores.

But I still feel myself tighten up and get all self-conscious when I go to a restaurant, and because I don't go to restaurants I feel awkward and unsure when it comes to ordering and paying. It's fine when I have friends or family, who take care of that, but when it's just Linda and me, I feel a little concerned.

Yesterday, we decided to eat out before going to the movies (Unknown-- when I bought my ticket, the guy asked, "Unknown?" I said, "No I know -- I want to see Unknown..." both Linda and him just looked at me strangely.) Linda wanted to go to the Flatbread in the Old Mill, but I suggested Pappa's Pizza south of of Bend. Why? Because after eating there with my Dad (he loves the place) so many times, I'm completely comfortable there.

On the way out the door, I said, "I have to get over this one of these days, so I'll go to Flatbread if you want." Linda says, no, no...

....but when we get to the pizza joint, it is loud and crowded so we back away and drive the Flatbread.

I walk in the door and immediately feel myself tense up. We are shown our table, and it is in the middle of an open floor, the worse configuration for me, and I feel myself hunching up and uncomfortable -- I look a little like James Franco at the Oscars, with a tight little smile and trying really hard to seem casual.

I can barely read the menu, so I just take a stab at the simplest and most recognizable items: Caesar's Salad, and Parmesan flatbread with three sauces.

So, here's where it gets better. I chat with Linda about writing, and I start to feel myself loosen up a bit; I look around, finally, and no one's paying any attention to us.

Then the two dudes running the floor start chatting with me, because they recognize me from Pegasus and the waiter and I talk about the Transmetropolitan comic and I tell him the other Vertigo titles were also great and what I read myself. And, suddenly, I'm comfortable.

The meal arrives, and I get busy eating.

Here's the thing. The stuff I eat at home is so bland -- that any time I eat out, it tastes absolutely wonderful. In other words, I can't give you a restaurant review because just about any restaurant will be so tasty, that I'm happy. I think this actually comes across to the waiters, who find it endearing.

In the last few months, I've eaten at Kona Mix twice (pretty casual, but still sit-down nervous); and Flatbread, and...a few other places on our trips I can't seem to remember right now.

The trick is this, and this is the way I'm going to play it. Find situations that are in my favor -- say eating on off hours (yesterday, it was 2:00) or on off days (such as a Tuesday); then eat a few times at the same place until I feel comfortable there. Then move to another restaurant, and do the same thing.

Then maybe, when that becomes routine, try some busier times, or even fancier restaurants.

All this can be set backward with a bad experience. Tightening up and feeling uncomfortable and awkward and self-conscious can lead to bad outcomes. But if I can manage to get good experiences under my belt, it will slowly improve.

I've never heard it explained this way, but to me Agoraphobia is the Body tricking the Brain. And the way to combat it, is for the Brain to trick the Body. Not by willpower --that doesn't seem to work, but by lulling it, easing into it, to calm it down so that the next situation doesn't seem so threatening.

I'm still not sure about really big events -- concerts and plays or festivals. Part of me thinks the anonymity of the crowds will make it easier for me to blend in, but part of me remembers that this is where my panic attacks first happened, so I'm a little leery of pushing it.

I mean, it's only been about 40 years -- no sense rushing it.

I've managed to create my own little world where I'm comfortable -- it's my boundaries, and I can roam within them. Over the years, I've pushed those boundaries further and further apart, until -- I can almost fool myself into thinking I'll never have another panic attack.

But feeling myself tense up in a restaurant reminds me it's still floating out there....

The return of Buster.

Some more recent readers of this blog may be wondering where this vociferous commenter came from, and why I post his rantings.

I find that I agree with some of what he says, disagree with some of what he says, and have a WTF? reaction to the rest.

His tone?

I can handle it, (mostly, --he's gone too far a few times--) can you?

For some reason he's chosen to drop his handle (Bilbo, Buster, or my latest tag, Sheen) and go by anonymous. Even though, once you're used to him, you can figure out it's him in the first sentence.

Back when bubble bloggers were being ignored (THERE'S a BUBBLE! WATCH OUT! The End of the World is Nigh!!!) Buster was a reliable naysayer.

Obviously, he still is.

I almost believe he's a millionaire who has cashed out and lives most of the year in Asia surrounded by nubile young maidens. Almost.

Wherever he's been, he's apparently back. Don't let him freak you out.

The stable -- get stable-er.

I was going to say, the rich get richer. Which is probably true for the rich. Then I was going to say, the strong get stronger. But I don't feel like that either.

So I'll say, the stable get stable-er.

How many people truly pull themselves up by the bootstraps? I'm sure it happens, but it must be really rare. And even when it happens, there had to be some influential person or event that set them on the right path.

Mostly I think it's a matter of luck, and birth, and generational timing.

So what. It's cold. But it's beautiful.

We've had a couple slow days at the store, with lots of people commenting on the cold.

Which is weird to me. The cold isn't all that off putting to me. It wouldn't stop me from doing most things I would want to do. In fact, it's kind of bracing.

Look outside, it's beautiful! Clean white snow, blue skies, sun shining!

What the hell. You're mostly in the car, then mostly in a store. Bundle up, and go!

**********

Had a guy in the store who volunteered to sell some of my inventory from the basement on e-bay.

So, I'm sort of willing, but first I want to discuss it. Discuss it fully.

Partly, because I want to get a sense of where his head's at -- whether he's fully aware of the ramifications.

But partly, because I think that you reach a kind of truth if you fully discuss an issue from both sides.

Now, this is just ARGUMENT (and argument is pejorative) to most people, and most people find it unpleasant. Whereas, I enjoy a good argument. I think of it like the justice system -- you get a proponent to argue each side to the best of their abilities, and out of that debate, a truth emerges.

I know that's the idealistic view -- but I'm not looking for perfect justice when I argue a point -- I really mean it when I say that I'm willing to be out-argued. If the other guy makes more sense, I hope I'm flexible enough to see it.

Anyway, he got disgusted with me, accused me of being against the idea from the beginning with all my "Yes, buts...." and "What happens ifs...."

And so I have to back down, and start conceding some points voluntarily, even arguing "his" side, if you will. He doesn't really want to think about it, much less debate it.

So few people really want to do that. And so often it descends into name calling and hurt feelings.

Too bad.

It's a valid technique.

We were a mill town.

All well and good to glamorize the smokestacks, and to quaintly call a major shopping development "The Old Mill," but what I remember about the Brooks-Scanlon mill was that it was dirty, noisy, smelly, and dangerous.

"Eat your spinach and do your homework," Dad would say, "Or you'll be working on the green chain...."

Looking back, those look like good, solid jobs, with a nice paternalistic small town enterprise.

Anyway, the stinky smell coming out of Century Drive is a legacy of that past.

In fact, I've always wondered how they managed to clean up all the pollutants in the Old Mill area. I mean, from what I remember, they'd have had to scoop up inches of top soil...

I'm sure they must have passed muster.

There was also the City Dump,(County?), up Southwest of Century: I haven't quit fixed what's on that location now, but I know that I wouldn't want to be there...

Meanwhile, the city is looking to save money by personnel cost cuts. Juniper Ridge and Bat keep getting funding, if vastly reduced. But we can always lay more work on our employees! This seems like the usual too little too late in cutbacks. When you have one of these economic busts, you have to get ahead of the curve, make the cuts deeper than you think at first, instead of constantly falling behind.

Instead, the tendency is to keep thinking things will get better. To ignore the naysayers (bubble bloggers) and instead listen to the optimistic promoters -- who are way more fun to listen to.

I also noticed, in the little business blurbs that it seems like some of the bigger name real estate agents are consolidating under some of the bigger name real estate agencies.

Talk about Bend coming back all you want, but I think we're still downsizing...

Driving to work thoughts....

Yet another study saying that moderate alcohol intake is good for the heart.

What is this "moderate" of which they speak?

They say 2 drinks for a guy per day.

2 drinks? It's the 3rd drink that gives me the buzz!

(errr...this is why I don't drink...)

**********

A superficial scan of The Decemberists on Google, calls them a real, true communist band.

Funny how that word has been reduced.

Like Commies are loveable losers, somehow. Quaint.

(Yes, yes, I know that Communism was a horrible scourge, and that North Korea and China are no jokes. But I think, well, totalitarianism is a more appropriate word.)

I can remember when Communism was a fearsome word, a career ender, a serious tag to stay away from.

Anyway, it seems like socialism is a more serious charge, now.

Or....gasp!....Liberal. Say it with me, in Fox News tones ---Lib-er-al....

**********

The street outside the store is empty.

Come on Wussies!

Put on your cute scarves and quirky hats and fur-line booties and sleek leather gloves and explore!

That goes for you girls, too!

**********

There is too much "stuff."

Had someone call me and ask about a Mark Zuckerberg comic.

I told him we don't carry "celebrity" comics, that I thought they were a gimmick, and he hung up.

Afterward, I realized that I'd probably sounded insulting. I hadn't meant to -- there are a bunch of these comics, and I've just decided to forego them because I don't think they result in actual reading, which is my focus. But....I have no aversion to selling things.

Next time, I'll just say, "No, but I can order it for you..."

**********

Linda and I were at some friends house to play Carcassonne ( for the first time. ) Afterward, I was talking to their two adorable young girls, and mentioned an interest in their books.

They started hauling them out and telling me ALL about them.

"Wait! Wait!" I exclaimed. "Bring me a pencil and paper!" The scurried off to fill my command, and then, as I wrote titles down, they enthusiastically told me the stories.

Shar told me that she fills up a bag at the library every visit.

So when I say that kids don't read, I realize I'm probably wrong. I know that each of the books they handed me probably cost something like 20 bucks, and at the pace they were reading, library or used is probably a more viable option.

Something to remember.

***********

I go into our competitor, The Open Book, to buy books all the time. I don't have credit, so I finally figured out that that was kind of stupid, so I loaded up a bag with about nine books from The Bookmark, and took them over.

They accepted about 3 of them for trade, even though I'd made an effort to try to pick books that weren't as common and they might want.

"We have duplicates of these," she said. "Sometimes there is just too much stuff."

"Yeah, I think Linda is finding that out, too."

So my credit came to something like 10.00, instead a potential 30.00 or something.

So the Bookmark's strategy, in the same situation, would been to offer the 30.00, and then hope they spend it, but in picking books from the Open Book, I realized that there was a downside that I'd never thought of.

When a person has more credit, it's more likely they will always be spending the "half" price. Whereas, if a person has limited credit, and their purchases go over, they'll be more likely to spend the full price on the overages.

Or....do they mostly put them back?

Anyway, something I had never thought about before. By actually using the process, I learned something.

I still think it's better to take as many books in as possible, but I think Linda had shifted to trying to make sure that every customer is offered some credit, taking as much as possible, but not taking in entire libraries....

Taking in quantities has given us, I think, a pretty good selection of books. Being more selective, but willing to buy books, has given the Open Book a good selection of books, as well. It's just a different strategy -- and since we were a start up, not so long ago, that makes sense. Neither is right or wrong.

If I ever have a more modest sized bookstore -- my goal for when I'm older -- I'll probably have to limit intake pretty drastically. But for the Bookmark, being inclusive has been one of it's reasons for success.

**********

Gee. I'm being very understanding today.

Animal House and the U of O.

They've been running a documentary on the making of Animal House on the bio channel.

I was going to the U of O when they were filming this.

I walked by the cafeteria one day and there was a crowd in front of the windows, so I wandered over. They a makeup chair in the corner, and John Belushi was sitting in it.

He looked bored out of his gourd.

At least that's my memory of it; why they would set the chair facing outward, I have no idea.

I also stumbled across the big fake statue, covered in a tarp, on one of my midnight wanderings.

That's it.

That's my anecdote.

Because my college experience was about as far from Animal House as it could get.

My going to college, and the break in-between, and my lingering in the student ghetto afterwards -- coincided with my decade of depression. I was pretty much alone, a wraith, around the time of Animal House. My dorm buddies had all moved on, and I was still finishing up with some last minute courses.

I don't have warm and fuzzies for the U. of O. even though it wasn't their fault. Just wasn't a good decade for me.

A year or two later, I quit my gas station job (I had my degree, but was working in a gas station) went to my little one room quad, wrote my books Star Axe and Snowcastles and Icetowers, moved back to Bend, met Linda, bought the store...and that decade has receded into the far past.

These days, I tend to only remember it when I'm reminded.