Official Burglar Contract.

Someone sent me a Burglar contract display between Thorin and Company and Freedy Filkins.
No name attached to whoever sent it -- thanks!  (Not sure of Thorin's dad's name...)

"In role as BURGLAR for Thorin and Company, 
or in any other role they see fit,
at their sole discretion
from time to time.

 Signed:  Thorin son of Girain

 Witnessed: Balin son of Fundin

 Burglar:  Freedy Filkins."


Wonderfully casual day.

Met the New Year with my cat, Panga, hiding under my futon at my feet because of the loud noises.  Linda was already asleep.  I avoided alcohol because I'm working Wednesday and Thursday.

We went to see Les Miserables in the morning -- you know what a tearjerker is?  A movie that jerks tears out of you.  I keep thinking one of these days that I'm going to stuff my pocket with Kleenex and whip it out like a hero when Linda starts sobbing.  She was crying about 5 minutes into the movie.  Oh, oh.

My eyes kept watering the whole movie -- especially at the end.  Must have been some irritant in the air... Ate some pizza at Papa's pizza -- out of nostalgia for the once a week pizza fest that Dad and us used to go to.  We informed them about Dad, and they said, "we figured." 

Went shopping for a couple of belts, and shampoo.  Meery Cristmassss.

Watched a couple of episodes of Homeland -- "oh, I can't believe they went there..."

Dreamed all night of elegant solutions to all the problems in my book -- woke up this morning not remembering any of them...


Dexter and Homeland -- holiday viewing.

Thanks to whoever mentioned Video on Demand, we got to watch the first episode of HOMELAND which I had accidentally erased.

Meanwhile, we blew through the whole season of Dexter in about four days.

So I have this sore gum and I've been kind of soaking my mouth in salt water -- and by that method I found out how truly funny I think the Debra character is.  I mean, I kept almost spewing the salt water.  It wasn't so much what she said, though the foul mouth routine is pretty funny, but the way she said it.

And it wasn't just the foul mouth lines that got me laughing.  It was also how often she did it -- just with unexpected line readings.  Then she'd go an do some amazingly authentic emotional acting.  Fantatastic.

SPOILER:

They are going to have to end this show, because they've just made Dexter a truly bad guy.  Going to be hard to root for him from now on.


Do you call yourself a writer?

May sound strange, but I've rarely called myself a writer.  To me,  if I wasn't making a living as a writer, or at least doing it full time, I wasn't really a writer.  (How you do the latter without doing the former is a good question.)

Even when I was a published writer,  it didn't feel comfortable.

For the last 30 years, almost no one who knew me knew about that part of my life.  It was always awkward -- questions about where the books were, how they did, and so on.  (That has been resolved somewhat by the net -- my books seem to be all over the place, just not right here.)  It also -- again -- always sounded kind of pretentious.

So with 2013, I'm finally going to call myself a writer again.  It's been like a second job over the last year, at least equal to my job as a businessman.  Over the last two years it was like a long slow fall into the writer life.  I was like testing the waters, seeing if I liked it, seeing what I could do and how long and how hard it would be.

Now?  I'm ready to say to myself that this is a real deal.  I really am very concentrated on writing.  Some of my efforts will be good(?) some will be bad, some will be inbetween.  Some will be hard, some will be easy, and some will be inbetween.  The point is to just do it.

I used to love the Joseph Campbell quote -- until it got overused by everyone and took on the shaky glow of a cliche.  (Hey, I watched the original Moyer interviews, before everyone discovered him because of George -- "I write myth" -- freakin Lucas.)

"Follow your bliss, and doors will open that you didn't even know were there."

It certainly was true the last time I tried.  I didn't make a career as a writer, but I met Linda at a writer's group, I got hired at Pegasus Books primarily on the basis of me being a writer, and opened some unexpected doors.

I absolutely love that I don't have to answer to agents and publishers.  That I can handcraft a book myself, and put it out.  The art of the work itself, and not the commercial response.  (Not that I would mind a commercial response. hint hint)

Calling myself a writer has a practical side as well.   I'm going to start collecting receipts for what I spend on my efforts -- whether they are writing trips, or commissioned art, or just paper and pencils.

Because if a writer is someone who writes, well, hey I'm a writer.

Handcrafting a book.

One thing I didn't see, which has been pretty delightful, is how in ebooking my efforts I would end up handcrafting the presentation.  Picking fonts, deciding where and when to use chapter breaks, words per page, etc. etc. and so on and so on.  Yes, I'm aware that the final arbiter will be the owner of the tech device on the other end.  Still, there is something about creating the look of a book yourself that is really satisfying.

Especially the covers. 

I thought this would be a problem, but it's been really fun.  One cover came off the internet as an existing work, which the artist modified for me.  The second cover was an original photo who a friend on her own inspiration photoshopped into a nifty image.  The third was a commissioned work from a local artist, who I have gone through a couple weeks of designing and adapting.

How cool is that?

I was watching some show where some actor or another was talking about how hard it was to be an actor -- that a writer can write and an artist can art, but an actor needs an audience.

I took away from that bromide that I was lucky to be able to write -- if only for myself. 

And it's true.

I mean, a writer and an artist wants an audience, too. But that doesn't keep us from doing our thing.

Anyway, the point of this is -- as I wrote these latest efforts, I began with the intention of putting them online with a savvy marketing effort, aided and abetted by young people more savvy than me.

Then, as I realized I was on my own, (I think in the end, writer's -- artists of all kinds -- are ultimately on their own)  I had second thoughts.  I decided I would send my efforts off to an agent.

Just one form rejection later, and I swung back to putting the books online myself.  I would do whatever promotion as was comfortable and natural, understanding that it probably wouldn't be much and as a result my books probably wouldn't be noticed much.

But since this first new book -- NEARLY HUMAN -- is a "training" or "exercise" effort, maybe that's O.K.

FREEDY FILKINS was written as a lark, so it's O.K. there too.

With the help of a tech savvy friend, I now have a website totally dedicated to my writing.  I have a Facebook for both me and my writer persona.  (I've been blocked by my technical ineptitude from doing much with them so far -- but I'll get there.)  That's probably just the beginning, and it's been surprisingly satisfying.  I found I actually LIKED connecting with old friends and family and classmates.  Big surprise.

It's been a process.  No doubt it seems like it's taking forever, since I started talking about this a couple of years ago.  Writing itself has been both easier and harder than I thought it would.  I had fun writing FREEDY, but it isn't exactly deep.  But then again, I've struggled with NEARLY HUMAN, and it isn't exactly literature either.

It isn't meant to be.  It's supposed to be a casual read.  The same kind of thing I like reading. 

I don't think NEARLY HUMAN succeeds -- so the question is, should I put it out?   It worked as an 'exercise' but never quite gelled.  After struggling with the story forever, I'm finally taking a cold hard look at the 'writing' and I'm not altogether happy with that either.

But -- there is enough interesting stuff there that I'm going to go ahead and produce it -- and hope that a few other people find it interesting, but not be shocked if other people don't like it.  I learned from it and now it's on to the next thing. 

I'm proud of myself for making several more efforts to make the book work -- it did improve the story, but ultimately, I think struggling with it any more is counter-productive.

The deciding factor is -- I'm not always the best judge of what I've done, so I'd like to give the book a chance.

I think I needed some creative outlet.  I'm pretty committed to this writing life now and I'm very much enjoying it.


One more version, please.

Well,  I got the painted Freedy Filkins cover, and it didn't quite do it for me.

We'd gone through about 4 drawings before the final, and there were parts of each I liked, so I spent all night cutting and pasting different elements until I found a version I liked.

I don't know if she'll be willing to do yet another version, so I'm going to offer her two payments--one which she's done so far, and one for what I'd like her to try one more version.

All the pieces are there, but they needed to be arranged. Colors have to be right.  The picture is a little too busy with design elements.

I need more blue sky above the picture for the title.  I need to simplify the colors -- and so on.  It's a matter of simplifying and cohering.

I hope she'll agree to do it one more time.

What I'm noticing with artists is that they are focused on the art -- duh.  But I'm as focused on the design elements, how it works as the cover of a book, which isn't exactly the same thing.

I think I'm good at the designing of a picture, that is, which elements go where.  I just can't draw.  (Similar to people telling me that they've got ideas for a book, they just aren't good with words...heh.)

Anyway, she works fast, so I'll probably still have the final version within a week or so.




One Pound Racism

Just caught the new youtube sensation, One Pound Fish.

Interesting, not as interesting as Gangnam Style, but a pretty catchy tune.

Before I say anything else -- good for this guy, I hope he makes some money.  The broader context of what I say next, really don't reflect on him at all.

 I started reading some of the comments.  And there are some knee-jerk racism in the comments.

So what's happening here?  On one hand, we're getting some exposure to other ways and other cultures.  On the other hand, it seems to bring out the xenophobia in people.

When I watched the original video, it seemed to me that the people were enjoying it, but also -- I don't know -- being a little patronizing.  Not in a mean way, but still...

Maybe the whole thing plays up to cultural stereotypes, which then brings out the automatic resistance to other cultures.

Then again, maybe I'm overthinking it.

Maybe it's just a catchy tune...

Not fixable?

I'm about 3/4ths the way into changing NEARLY HUMAN from 1st person to 3rd person.  I'm really having trouble gauging when to use names or pronouns or some other identifiers.  I'm committed now, I've made so many changes to the manuscript.  I'm doing my best to make it read O.K. but I think I'll have to copy-edit a whole bunch of times until I get it right.  For instance, I can take out pronouns altogether sometimes simply be reorganizing the sentence.

Writing is complicated.

Anyway, at this point in the story it's mostly action narrative -- but some of it is pretty silly.

Problem is, it can't be changed.  No way to change it without throwing the entire second half of the book out. 

This is the consequence of forcing the book, I think.  At the time I had a less serious, more satiric take on the story, so using PETA people as his assault forces, and making comments about rampant growth in destination resorts, and things like that weren't so out of place.

Basically I have an out and out gun battle with zombies -- who I call Shamblers -- using a bunch of outraged PETA members as the army.  (The Old Gods have been taking their pets and eating them.)

A cute idea when it isn't serious.  Silly, when you do it seriously.

I'm afraid at this point, it probably just isn't fixable.  I'll just have to hope that if the reader has made it this far, they'll give the story the benefit of the doubt.

My exercise book.

NEARLY HUMAN is turning out to be my 'exercise' book.  I'm learning all the things I should do and shouldn't do in the course of writing it.  Rediscovering my writing methods and inventing new ones.

I'm pretty close to being done working on it.  Yesterday, I started telling Linda what I thought was still wrong with it.  About four or five very basic problems with the story

By the time I went downstairs again, I realized I needed to deal with those problems -- at least address them.

A).  For instance, I basically have zombie apocalypse happening in Bend for three days that no one from the outside world seems to notice.  It escalates, so it isn't completely unbelievable.

But I can also address this by having the main villain simply say the Old Gods have closed off communications with the outside world until the invasion is done.  Sure -- magic.  But at least it's an explanation.

B.) A related problem is that life seems to be going on as usual while these weird things are happening.  Again, this can be addressed by the -- hero this time -- simply talking about how humans go on about their business even when it is all falling apart around them -- which is a true enough comment.

C.)  I also have the young daughter of two of the main characters disappearing, and there isn't enough drama around that.  I mean, in real life, everything else would stop -- so I need to have the hero "glamour" them into not running around in a righteous panic.  A "magic" solution, but at least dealing with the problem.

D.) In a related way to all the above, it seems like it takes way too long for everyone to react.  Again, this can be explained by the slow revealing of the facts, but I'm not sure if I'm dealing with it correctly.

E.) And the biggest problem of all -- I simply didn't deal adequately with the perimeters of the main character's strength and weakness, the power of the Curse on him, what he can and can't do, and why he can and can't do -- and what his motivations are for doing or not doing.

If the basic premises of a book don't work, nothing works.

When I decided to limit the main character's powers, to constrain him, to make him the underdog -- then I needed to explain that better and earlier.

It's late in the game, but better late than never.  As I said early on -- as long as I'm still finding problems, I still have an opportunity to improve the book.

I'm giving myself another month to work on it -- diligently.  A real last push to get it right.


So all this is a way of saying, I think I'm getting a good handle on the writing process -- my individual writing process.

Things I've learned.

1.)  As I have said in this blog, I need to write from the heart, not the head.  That is, there has to be a story I'm excited about, and characters I like.

2.) But before that, I need to use my head and fully think out the premises of the story -- not so much an outline, because for me that is a recipe for writer's block -- but early in the process I need to iron out the background ideas.

3.) I need to write the first draft quickly, and not deviate.

4.) In most cases, I probably shouldn't force the issue, but let my subconscious come up with solutions.  In order for that to happen, I have to give myself time to be "on call" so to speak.  That is, not be doing anything else, but be near my computer when the answer comes.

I'm not sorry I forced NEARLY HUMAN, because over a third of a year had passed without making progress, and the same thing had happened with the previous two efforts, and I needed to get something completed.  But by forcing it, I wrote myself into some corners that I'd like to avoid next time.

5.) I'm better at fantasy and in 3rd person and with a likable underdog as the main character.  I'm good with dream imagery, and -- I think-- fantasy settings.

6.) I need to be patient in my writing.  Each step of the way, I think I'm close -- even at the beginnings.  So I need to know that is happening and just keep making the story better.  Live in that story without, hopefully, wearing out my welcome.

7.) Combine all the above with an effective work process.  For instance, I've learned to let the beginning idea glimmer in my head before I start writing a scene.  So I write whatever action or words come to me, even if they are out of order.  I write until it I'm starting to force it, then take at two hour break.  Then come back and start the process again.  Keep doing that until I'm done.  Even the work-at-the-store days are good, because they are the weekly equivalent of the two hour break in the midst of the day.


I've mentioned before that I simply had to stop writing once I bought the store nearly 30 years ago.  If I look at the amount of work and effort I've put into NEARLY HUMAN -- and substitute a typewriter for a word processing program -- no wonder I was in despair!

So thank you modern technology!



Boardwalk Empire. Nice.

Linda and I have been taping all the big HBO series that we watch -- Boardwalk Empire, Dexter and Homeland, and now have full seasons to watch in sequence during rerun holiday season.

So from least to best, we started with Boardwalk Empire.


SPOILERS!



I've been a little down on this show.  None of the characters are particularly likeable, and some are downright creepy.

But watching them over a couple of days was much more interesting experience.  For one thing, I started to catch some narrative tricks they keep using.

For instance, they are constantly foreshadowing that some character is going to get killed off -- I mean, for the show to continue it has to happen.

But a neat little trick they play over and over again, is that the character is killed by someone other than the one you expect -- the wrong side, or completely out of the blue.  It's a narrative tick on their part, that is starting to become predictable.

They did a nice job of isolating Nuckie at the end -- Godfather style.

I know something of the history of the characters, so I keep expecting things to happen to Lucky Luciano and Joe Masseria and Arnold Rothstein and all the Chicago crowd, that haven't happened yet.  So far I think they've left out the other Mustache Pete, Salvatore Maranzano.

They really have lavished production design on this show, and they don't seem to be skimping as the show gets more established, like they usually do.

There are a couple of subplots that seem to be going nowhere, but I'm sure they'll come around.  So I will be watching this next year, after almost giving up on it last year.

Old codgers patting themselves on the back.

Is there anything more squirm inducing, cringe worthy, twinge provoking than the Lincoln Center awards?

I kept checking back to see if there would be any good Led Zeppelin music - - and there was kind of an over the top Stairway to Heaven.

But, wow, something about all those rich, famous people in tuxes is really off-putting to me.

Also, I still find it strange that the Immigrant Song can be played at full blast and all these old people in the audience are grooving to it.

The sixties rebels have turned into the establishment.  I know, it's not an original observation, but I still find it strange -- until I look in the mirror.

Unexpectly, the covers are ready before the books.

Meanwhile, with the help of Martha Weibenson, I've got a cover ready for my book DEVILTREE.  It was an original photo by me, photoshopped by Martha.

This book came very close to being published a couple of times -- to the point of actually being accepted at one point.

I rewrote it so many times, I swore I'd never go through that process again.  Apparently, I have two modes.  Simple -- write it in a couple of months.  Complicated -- take two years and innumerable revisions.

SNOWCASTLES, ICETOWERS and FREEDY FILKINS were the first kind.  STAR AXE, DEVILTREE , and -- apparently -- NEARLY HUMAN  are the second kind.

I have a typewritten manuscript of DEVILTREE that needs to be digitalized and formatted.  But other than that, it's ready to go.  It might actually be the best book to start with, because I know it was vetted many times.

I guess if you believe in omens, the fact that I have the covers ready to go on two books and nearly ready on a third book means they must be meant to exist.

Hoping for the last draft miracle.

I decided in the end to change the narration of NEARLY HUMAN from 1st person to 3rd person.

If I'm going to write in 1st person, then the 'voice' is super important, and I just didn't feel like I was getting it.  As I said before, I need to make Cobb a more sympathetic character.  3rd person in some ways is taking a step back in immediacy, and yet somehow made me feel closer to Cobb as a character.

I'm "feeling" the story more and more.  Whether that's translating into a better book, I'm not sure.  

However, changing the narration messed up the writing more than I anticipated.  I thought it would be a simple matter of changing pronouns, but it turns out to be much more complicated than that.  Simply having two "he's" and' "his" in a sentence instead of an "I" and a "he" really makes the sentences confusing.  It's harder to intuit which he and his to keep after the fact than while actually writing the sentence.

So I think I improved the story slightly, at the cost of messing up the writing.  Now I have to go all the way through the story and copy edit and also try to rewrite from the 3rd person perspective.  Argh.

Before I do that, I'm going through the story and trying to figure out how to strategically improve the story -- which is a more critical thinking type of process, rather than a creative process.

I'm still hoping for the last draft miracle, where it all just comes together.  I used to have this experience all the time in college.  Struggle and struggle and then, just before handing it in, the paper would all come together.  If I hadn't been struggling, it never would have happened.

I'm going to give myself another month --

If it wasn't for the experience of writing THE RELUCTANT WIZARD and FREEDY FILKINS so quickly, I wouldn't even attempt it.

Meanwhile, I'll probably still have another book or two out in January or February, so I'm telling myself to slow down, get it as right as possible.


 I made the mistake of starting to read THE YIDDISH POLICEMEN'S UNION, by Michael Chabon which makes my writing look downright primitive in comparison.

I just have to keep reminding myself to tell my "story."


Merry Christmas to all and so on and so forth...

With none of our family making it home this year, Linda and I have agreed just not to do much about Christmas.

Of course, we never have, really.  It was always Christmas at my parents house, then at my sister Tina's house, and then...well, we didn't pick up the ball.  Holidays apparently weren't a big deal at Linda's growing up.  They were a huge deal at my house -- but after a few years of trying to create some traditions with the boys, they just didn't seem to take.

There are households where everyone gets together and households where that doesn't happen.

When I was in college, there would always be that one room in the dorm where everyone would congregate.  Some people just have that gene, that knack, that Host with the Most attitude.

So I looked at Linda this morning and said, "Are we even going to wrap our presents this year?'

She wrinkles her nose.  "I don't see why."

"We're terrible.  We're just terrible."

"No -- we're writers.  We don't have time for that stuff...."

Merry Christmas to all and so on and so forth!

Final image of cover?



This looks like the final image I'll be using for NEARY HUMAN.  The title will go in the upper left corner in the same color as the fire, the author name will be below at about mid-shin.  We've done some mockup of that already, which I wanted to add to this blog, but bungled.  So I'll just do another blog right after this with the mock-ups.

Stupid is as stupid does.

Apparently, I was using Bend Blogs too much as a crutch to read other people's blogs.  I didn't make direct bookmarks of them, just checked BB every day.

Anyone know if he will get that sit up and running again?  I'd check his site, but I was doing that through BB too.


Meanwhile, it seems like all my passwords and all disappeared on my computer and I had to enter them all back in.

I blame Facebook.  In fact, I intend to blame Facebook for everything that goes wrong from here on out.

I can't tell when I'm posting messages on Facebook where they are going, and to who, and so on.   Basic stuff.  I can answer messages -- that I can do.  I can post messages on my page.  But initiating conversations with others, I'm lost.

So what everyone tells me is -- read the instructions.  Aaron was telling me to read the Smashword instructions.  And so on.

I hate reading instructions.  My fault, I'm only hurting myself.  It's utterly stupid.

Still -- I hate doing it.  I'd rather stumble around and find answers by accident.  No one need comment on how stupid this is.  I know.

I want to learn everything by osmosis, I think.  Second-hand.  Naturally.  To hell with diligently studying.   I've never taken another class since I graduated from college.  I was so Very Sick of classrooms and being lectured to and all that.

Again, no one need comment and tell me how stupid this is.

Oh, go ahead.  I deserve it.


Sheriff of Nottingham

Filling in at work today.  Going to do expanded hours.

The Sheriff of Nottingham tried to cancel Christmas this year, but people finally came around on about the 19th.

The 19th!  That's pretty late!

It seems like it gets a third of a day later every year, which would mean over the last 30 years, we've lost 10 days or something.  Just a theory.  Up until the 19th, we were doing no better than average.  The last 4 days have been as good as any other year -- but its only 4 days, not 8, not 12, not 16 days of above average.

I bemoan this lateness every year because it's a matter of putting all the eggs in one basket.  Anything goes wrong -- a blizzard, a economic collapse, a disaster, anything 24 hour cycle newsy -- could derail the whole process.

About the only bright side, if there is one, is that people can't blame me if I'm sold out of something 6 days before Christmas.  So...well, I may as well sell what I have in the store unless people look like they are going to spend.

Last year, they showed every indication of wanting to spend on boardgames and books and I ordered heavily.

This year, they didn't and I went with the inventory at hand.  (Which was no small potatoes...)

So, ironically, I'll make more of a profit this year.

I'll just keep saying it -- it's not how much people spend, it's how much I spend.



You start with the character, not the situation.

The lesson is, you have to start with the character.  Not the situation.

I started this book with a high concept of Cthulhu versus Faery, not with the main character who has to carry the story, who the reader can identify and care for (not to mention the writer wanting to keep writing abut him.)

I didn't start with Kenlahar or Lore or Prince Greylock -- who all were underdogs, who were sympathetic characters.

I started with a all powerful, kind of grumpy main character and it just didn't work.  I'm not Terry Pratchett or Christopher Moore -- I don't have the ability or the desire to be endlessly snippy and humorous.

So it's back to basic motivations.  A character in trouble, who has more trouble piled on top of him. 

Oh, that's just great.

I was formatting NEARLY HUMAN yesterday, and couldn't help but read it, too.

It's not ready.

It's just not. 

I went to bed last night thinking, over and over again -- how can I make it better?  What is it missing?

And the answer came to me, and it was a change in major character again.

So I think I still have a basic plot.  The world building has been done.  I have the characters I need.

I just need to change the entire motivation and emotional nature of the lead character.  That's all.  Just requires and entire re-writing of the whole book, that's all.

I don't think this scares me the way it used to.  In the last six months I've learned that I can write a lot if I let myself go.  I can do this.

Question is, is the book worth saving?  I feel the answer is YES.  At least I think so.  I guess I'll find out when I restart.

Some of the chapters I have to restart from bloody scratch.  I have more than enough words that I can jettison anything that doesn't fit and can't be changed. 

I'm positive now that I simply can't afford the luxury of discovering the entire plot as I'm writing, much as I like doing it that way -- or expect to have to do a whole lot of changes.  Maybe it's all been good.  A re-introduction to the process of writing.  I started off with the wrong tone -- the wrong tack, and discovered I needed to go back to the way I used to approach books.

I think I can make all the changes in a month or two.

But it's going to be at least TWO YEARS  for one book.  I took enough breaks to write the first drafts of two other novels, so there's that.  But still, I never expected it to take so long.