I've had re-writer's block.

I've had several people tell me -- Writing is Rewriting.

O.K.  Whatever.

Two things are for sure.

1.) that rewriting definitely makes the books better.

2.) that rewriting is hard.  I get some satisfaction for finding the right word, the right phrasing.  But mostly it seems like work. 

I just can't seem to motivate myself systematically.  I look at the manuscript and it seems so big, that the idea of starting on page one and slogging through to the end seems like pure drudgery.

So Linda says to me, "Does that mean you find your story boring?"

"No.  I'm trying to keep it from becoming so -- "

I've been blocked on re-writing for about four days now.

So yesterday, I think I came up with two tricks that work.

1.) rewrite chapters at random, instead of tackling the whole monolithic edifice.

2.) remember that if I can just spend five minutes on something, chances are that I'll continue doing it.

 In the scheme of things, doing a chapter a day or two chapters a day isn't going to take all that long; and I just need to keep reminding myself  how much better the writing gets when the work is put in.

So I tried my new strategies yesterday, and they seemed to be effective.  The following was how I went through the process:



One thing I'm trying to preserve is my "reading" freshness of the book.  Going to the same page and rewriting again and again is O.K.  But reading it over and over, isn't.

Doesn't make much sense, I know.

I was talking to Linda this morning, and I said,  "You hate it when I change things so much."

"No, I don't mind when you change things, I just hate when you leave branches hanging out there without lopping them off."

That completely crystallized where I am in the process.  The going through and removing all the inconsistencies absolutely bores the hell out of me -- but I know it needs to be done.

I've decided on a new tactic.

I don't know if it will work.

I'm going to take a piece of paper and cut it up into 39 pieces for the 39 chapters.  Put them all in a jar and mix them up.  Then reach in and pick a chapter at random and work on that chapter.  When I'm done, reach in for the next chapter.

When I've done all 39 chapters, THEN give myself a chance to read it all the way through without interruptions and see how it reads.

I have about 20 working days left in this month, so if I do two chapters per day, I'll get a rewrite under my belt in about one month.  Or if I need to keep my freshness up, I can do one chapter per day, and it will take a couple months -- which really isn't all that long.

So, in this rewriting I'm going to try to:

1.)  Look for inconsistencies.

2.) Make sure the tone fits its place in the book.  Look for ways to ramp up the tension from the previous chapter.

3.) Look for characterizations -- looks and mannerisms and phrasing.  Visualize each character.  (Use real life people I know?)

4.) Look to use active language.

5.) Look to add the telling details wherever possible.

6.) Look for more artistic ways of saying things.  Instead of "the light came through the window" say "the crisp morning light slanted through the window" something like that.
 I just made that up out of nothing, but you get what I mean... It could just as easily been, "the soft morning glow suffused the room" or "the crisp light slanted like a knife through the dirty panes" or whatever.  That's the artistic choice.

7.) Description:  sight, sound, touch, smell.

Anyway, that's the checklist I'm starting with...


 I put the 39 numbers on folded paper in a jar and pulled.....#25.

So I'm off to see what chapter 25 is...

It's noon.



O.K.  That was cool.  It took two and a half hours to run through the first time, with a half hour of breaks.

I'm going to go through the chapter a second time.


Spent another hour and a half.  4 hours in total.  The increase for the whole chapter was over 1000 words!  Wow.  Extend that over 39 chapters, and the book gets bigger fast.

I'm thinking I may try another chapter tonight, now that I've gotten a sense of it.  But I want to be sure I'm refreshed, first.


Gave myself a couple hours off, then pulled a new number.  #13.

Difficult chapter.  The writing was all wrong -- passive and retro.  Tried to activate it, move stuff around, cut some things.  Works better probably.

Going to give it another pass.

I'm thinking of snoggling some beer tonight.  See how that affects the rewriting process.


Worked another hour and a half.  I think the chapter is much improved.

I do believe my little trick of working on chapters on a lottery basis is going to work.

 It has to be done.

How to tell if you're a radical.

Can you let it go?  Let the other person have his or her opinion?  Shrug it off?  Talk politics without raising your voice or casting aspersions or calling names?

I don't talk politics at the store.  Occasionally, by hints and by both of us carefully feeling our way, I'll realize that I have a compadre in the store and we'll relax and commiserate.  No harm done.

Often, I'll go ahead and declare.  "I'm a liberal democrat..." just as a warning that we're wandering into dangerous territory.

It's all right.  You can disagree.  Please let me disagree.

The world won't end, the country won't go up in flames -- it probably isn't the "worst" or the "best" and we'll just muddle through as usual.

Seriously, we're all Americans -- even us pinkie, commie, socialist bleeding heard liberals.

(Actually, I think I'm a pragmatic liberal.)

Oct. Store results.

We beat last year -- by a big 2%.

Up until last month, we'd beaten last year 14 months in a row.  Last month was way down, however.  This was due to the New 52 surge last year.

Since that surge continued on into October, I thought it might be difficult to beat last year, but we managed it.

November was really low last year, so we should be able to beat that.

December was high; so that might be more of problem.

After that, I think it will probably be more back and forth on the totals -- we'll be running up against good months from then on.

COMICS:  -23%.  This was expected, because of the outlier numbers from last year.  About the same as the year before; which isn't actually all that good.  I think the overall trends for comics aren't great, with the occasional gimmick or event pushing sales up instead of underlying strength.

(Comics + Graphic Novels)  I do a mix of the two, which I haven't been listing in these reports, but think I'll start:  -13%

CARDS:  -60%.  These numbers are small and easily influenced by a few sales.

CARD GAMES:  +32%.  The increase is nice and reflects the strength of the new Ravnica release.  Even more encouraging considering how badly they were doing last month.

GAMES:  +60%.  Obviously very encouraging.  Every year around this time I look at the game market and try to decide if another good Christmas is possible , or is the mass market making inroads?  I've decided it looks strong enough to give it the full go.

BOOKS:  +16%.  While the overall trends in much of what I used to carry seems to be on a downslope or static, the books and games continue their steady rise.  So glad I went there.  These two categories run about 25% through most of the year, but at Christmas they can be as much as 40% of sales.

TOYS:  +13%

GRAPHIC NOVELS:  +6%.

Overall, I'm pretty encouraged.

Thursday thuds.

I had a jar of candy in the house that I wanted to get rid of by today, so I took it to work yesterday.

We have so few kids come to our house, that we've given up.

So anyway, around 4:00 yesterday, I started getting trick or treaters at the store.  This has never happened before.  Apparently I missed the memo.

I started running out, so I grabbed some FCBD comics and started handing those out.  Every single kid but one preferred getting a comic to getting candy, which is pretty cool.

Anyway, it was really great to see the kids and their elaborate costumes.  I'd forgotten how much fun that is, and the store really does seem to be the place to do it.

I'm mean, and I make them say, "Trick or Treat."

Had a little girl who just froze.  Couldn't say it.  Finally, I said,  "You're just so cute, it's O.K."

Why the demurral, kids?

I hope this becomes a tradition.

**********

Handing my ballots in today, so the Dems can cross me off their list.

I was telling a customer, Kevin, yesterday that I was going to personally take my ballot in -- cause "I don't trust the mails."

"You're the third person to say that to me!" he said.

I really do trust the mail, but...well, just want to be absolutely sure.

There is a really good feeling about voting.  I feel bad for those who are so cynical they don't.

**********

"GM Profit Better than Estimates."  Bulletin, 11/1/12.

Make sure that gets broadcasted in Ohio.

Who would have thought the one thing -- a letter to the N.Y.T.'s by Romney,  "Romney to Detroit: Drop Dead" (not actual title), would be the thing that might cost him the election.

A self-inflicted wound at that.  Heh.

**********

Stupid dream.  (Not counting the one where both a wolf and a bear are trying to eat me.  Both!)

Anyway,  I'm talking to a guy with a huge Australian outback accent.

"Here, Mate, you win this bet, and we'll do it your way.  I win the bet, and I take you Down Under."

I'm thinking I can't lose.  So I lose the bet.

A huge fissure opens under my feet; fire and brimstone.

"Hey, I thought you were going to take me to Australia!

"I said I'd take you "Down Under" he says, with an evil grin.  "Whatever made you think I was Austrialian?  HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!"

**********

I've always thought they should have Senator's Luke, Han, and Leia in the 7, 8 and 9th Star Wars movies; if only for a scene or two.

Make them old and fat and corrupt.

Shouldn't be too much of a stretch.  (ah, that's mean.)

Wrestling with words, instead of dancing with them.

Wrote this yesterday:

I have one final chapter to write in this new rough draft.

As I said in yesterday's writing, I'm finally learning to never say "final."

Which draft is this?  Who knows -- it's a constant process.

These last few days, I've forced myself to sit down with a fixed goal.  It was more like wrestling with words, instead of dancing with them.  But sometimes that's what you have to do.

Overall,  the biggest problem I probably have now is having an inconsistent tone.  I sort of darkened the whole plot earlier in the book, so now some of the later chapters seem lighter than they should be.  The only way to fix this, I think, is to read (and gulp, rewrite) the entire book in one day, so I can keep the tone consistent.

I try to limit full re-readings to keep it fresh.  Dipping into the manuscript at random lets me work with improving it without taking away from the freshness.

I've tried putting little warning flags throughout the manuscript, make the situation Cobb and his friends find themselves in steadily more dire.

The whole second half of the book hasn't been worked on as much, because it's mostly action scenes, without all the plot mechanic problems of the first half of the book.

(I'm definitely going to try to outline my next book to avoid some of those plot mechanic problems.)

I'm trying to be patient.  Keep working on this thing until I can't make it any better -- within reason.

I'm still hoping for the "Perry Mason" turbo charge twist, something that makes it much better.  That happened between the the last draft and this draft, so I'm going to assume it can happen again.

In the meanwhile, there is plenty of rewriting to do to upgrade the quality of the writing.  Every few pages there is a line I really like; which I think is original and fresh.  Getting one of those lines in every page would help.  Getting one of those lines in every paragraph would help more.  Having every sentence be like that would make me a Master ...heh.

Still want to enliven the language with 'telling details' and still want to visualize every scene as if it's a movie and I'm feeling and seeing and touching and smelling and hearing the whole bloody scene.

It's more of a book now -- but I'm going to just give myself the task to improve it twice as much again.

Patience and maturity.

Whatever.

Write, write...all I do is write.

***NOTE:  Wrote the following throughout the course of yesterday.

Morning:

I have a single goal today and this is to write the Parker house scene.

I'm going to try to write it fresh, without any reference to what I've already written.

So all I need is a trigger phrase, plus a few good ideas...

All day, just don't start until it comes.  Get to work subconscious!


Late Morning:

The plan right now is to write the Parker chapter, then the Barn Chapter.  That should be hopefully the rough version of the final form.  (I'm learning never to say final...)

Set it aside while I work for a couple of days -- do chores and bills on Friday.  Then on Saturday thru Tuesday do a rewrite -- I want to pick up Mira Grant's zombie book to get an idea of how she does first person.  And pick up Walking Dead novel for examples of graphic words and descriptions of gun battles.

Then set it aside for the two days of work.  Following week, do another rewrite -- straight through.

Then try to find a reader for that draft who can give me an idea of how close I'm coming.  The question I'll be asking is -- where did you lose interest?


Early Afternoon:

I've been asking myself questions about the Parker house scene.  This has been the hardest scene in the entire book to rewrite and I've been putting it off...so now it's nearly the last thing I do on this draft.

I think it has to be split in two -- the first part is much like what I've already written -- except with the addition of Chloe.  I'll have to tone down the lovey-dovey stuff between Parsons and Sandra, but maybe have a hint of it, so that when Harvey come into the scene it gets all messy.

I'll have Cobb straight out tell them what's happening, and Sandra will believe him, but Harvey won't and he'll give an ultimatum; if she goes with Cobb (and Parsons) don't come back.  He pulls Chloe away, who is crying by now.

A tough scene to write.


Middle Afternoon:


Wow.  This was a more important scene than I thought.

But there is enough spillover, I think, to make the diner scene that follows work better.  More of the interaction between Sandra and Parsons, more of the explanation of how the three worlds differ.

In fact, I think I also need to also rewrite the diner scene also without reference to the manuscript.


Late Afternoon:

O.K.  I wrote the most important part of the scene at the Parker house.  It's a lot of back and forth, so it's a bit drama drenched and possibly confusing.  But, again, it's a placemarker for when I'm ready to do the next draft.

Took me four hours.

Now I'm going to try to consolidate the scene.

Then, since I think I'll have all evening; I'll try to write the diner scene.  It's kind of laying all the cards out on the table, about 40% of the way through the book.

In the original drafts I tried to build suspense by having Cobb slowly coming around to the danger, but I don't think that worked and it was pretty annoying and redundant.  Better to just lay it all out there as soon as he knows anything.


Early Evening:

All right!

Did the Parker house scene, and then followed by cutting most of the diner scene and replacing much of it with what I cut form the original Parker house scene.

I think it works.

One of the biggest things I did in this draft is cut out all the expository -- hopefully, it's understandable without it.

For the final rough draft, all I can think that I have left to write is the Barn battle.

Also, the confrontation between Harvey and Sandra at the bank about their daughter Chloe being missing.

But by the end of tomorrow, I'll have a rough draft.

I think it's a bit weak in the middle, now.  What with the Lillian flashback chapters.  Maybe I need to put Lovecraft earlier in the story.

It needs to be worked on, obviously.

Currently at 93,000 words.  Figure another 3000 words for the battle of the barn -- maybe consolidate the two battles at the portals?  Maybe not?

So, we're almost there.

Late Night:

Lots of tone inconsistencies, which I'll only be able to catch by actually reading the damn thing.  Which means, I think, trying to read it in one day.  Maybe with the help of booze; just dive into the thing and read it from beginning to end.

A polished version of this draft is pretty much what I would have sent off in the old days: the second level book, as I've begun to term it.

I'm now assuming that there is another level I can reach.  So I want to finish this draft, then set it aside again and try to think about how to reach that next level.

At worse, I waste a few months not getting anywhere.

At best, I do come up with a turbo boost that makes it that much better.

Monday mopes.

Watch and read enough weather reports, and you start to feel like the bad weather is happening right outside.

I blame Obama.

Ironically, there was a news story that says that, indeed, voters blame the incumbent for natural disasters!

We're just monkeys, I tell you.

**********

O.K.  Ready to watch those exciting last 3 games of the World Series.

Wait.  What?

**********

So, I'm thinking.  Thank goodness we don't have hurricanes around here.  Or tornadoes.

Then -- I read something that said the closest parallel to Sandy was the Columbus Day storm in Oregon in 1962.  A typhoon mixing with a winter storm.

I was having an overnight birthday party that night -- it was really cool.  The rain pounded the windows until water was leaking through all the cracks.  The power was off.  Neat stuff when you're 10 years old.

Linda lived in Crescent City. She said they were pounded by three years worth of natural disasters -- floods, earthquake tsunami's and the Columbus Day storm.

"It was Obama's fault."

"He was just a baby!"

"Still..."

**********

Not that Walden was in any danger, but when the Bulletin's headline is: "Walden Ad Lists Accomplishments" you have to wonder if that is editorial or news.

**********

Still have some research to do on voting.

I tend to consolidate the Oregonian, Bulletin and Source recommendations, filter it through my political leanings, and make my best guess.

Straight Democratic.  I'm talking more about measures and judges, etc.

I used to count on me Mum about those things, because she was heavily involved in the League of Women Voters and they were usually spot on in their recommendations.  Maybe I can find that online.

Going to vote in the next few days, make sure it gets in in plenty of time.
 

Housing. It's Alive!

"Housing Show Signs of Life."  Bulletin, 10/28/12.

I'm sorry, it's pretty hard for me to take an article about housing seriously that consists of quotes from real estate agents.

Uptick in building and deed activity?  From what I've read elsewhere, the supply of million dollar homes in Central Oregon is sky high.

From what I've read elsewhere, most of the sales activity has been in the lower priced homes.

Three other things that seem a little off in the reasoning.

One.  They are comparing sales in the last year to to horrid, horrid sales of a couple of years ago.  Fair enough, if you are trying to pick the bottom of the market.  (Though I think quoting a buyer as being concerned that they missed the bottom is a little ridiculous.)  But I think it's more that the patient has been moved out of the I.C.U. but is still critical.

Two.  The sales are resulting from prices dropping drastically?  So that's good, right?  That everyone is taking a haircut?

Three.  Less bank owned sales.  That would seem to be more a matter of the banks having held back for legal and logistical reasons than because the banks don't have a ton of homes to sell.

Going from the complex to the simple.

Started reading a book last night and I must have been hungry for it because I read over half of it before bed.  "Learning the World" by Ken MacLeod.

I gave myself the instruction to pay attention to how it was written.  Of course, most of the time I found myself just reading, and then I'd go, "Oops" and go back and check it out.  I'm finding that analyzing and enjoying a book are two different things.

I was interested in how he handled the simple, "He said/She said" transactions.  So, that's pretty much how he wrote.  Except sometimes switching "Said he."  No adverbs whatsoever.

Secondly, I was interested in the ratio of narrative versus scenes: Half and Half?  Higher percent of narrative than I expected.  But it wasn't expository narrative, it was all move the plot forward narrative.

I was looking at the denseness of the writing:  Lots of very long paragraphs, and long sentences.  The book I'm currently writing has lots of short paragraphs -- perhaps the influence of writing this blog.

And finally, how much description he did:  Lots of it, but then again, he was describing "alien" environments.


Pretty basic stuff, but the longer I do this, the more I seem to be going backward into the nuts and bolts. 

After last nights experience, I'm inclined to go back over half a dozen books I've read in the near past and analyze them.  I'll know the basic plots, so I can just kind of see how they were constructed.

It's possible, I really need to learn more about writing to be effective.  (No kidding.)

I'm also going to try much harder going forward in paying attention to the mechanics of books.  This is a bit dangerous.  Back when I was writing my first few books, I almost couldn't read for a few years.  I was too distracted by the awareness of the mechanics to enjoy them; and too afraid they would somehow infect me in a negative way. 

In the end, I'm going to have to make some qualitative decisions based on my own instincts.  Diagramming is all well and good, but it still needs to be my own voice.

I doubts Amazon.

So Amazon announces lower than expected earnings, and profit losses last quarter.

Ho, hum, never mind their sales were enormous, and they'll just make bigger profits down the road.

'Cause they are taking over the world, baby.

I think I must be the only person in the world who thinks trying to do this is a bad idea -- at least in the long run.  (Yes, H.Bruce...I'm aware of the Keynes quote:  "In the long run, we'll all be dead.")

I hope I'm alive long enough to see if my instincts are right.

See, I think it's a dangerous plan to keep plowing your money into bigger and bigger infrastructure, and never really attempt to pull out the profits that are possible in the short run.

Because what if something comes along and subverts that infrastructure?

Are we headed to a world where bigger is better? Where retail consists of Walmart, and Amazon, and a few other ginormous boxes?

Or we headed into a world of local, with more and more fragmented markets, where the cost of energy makes local cheaper, where China decides it wants to pay its workers, where any number of small outlets may have a hidden genius -- the guy who will come out of nowhere and turns it all upside down.

In fact, I think that's more likely than not.

There is always the next guy.   Just ask Montgomery Ward, Sears, and General Motors. New technology is right around the corner, just ask Blockbuster.

Amazon may construct a hugely intricate and impressive infrastructure and have it all not matter in the least.

The world is a very unpredictable place.  But I will predict that that "hidden genius", hell probably several of them, is bound to come up with an idea or a plan that makes all your glorious size meaningless.  

How much real profit has Amazon made over the years?  How does it compare in percentage terms to other large retailers?  How much return on the dollar has been accomplished?  How much of the value of Amazon is in its stock, and how much is that stock value at the mercy of perception? (Well, the answer to that is, "All of it!")

So my own experience is tiny, tiny -- but if you scale it up, I think the example is valid.

I had near exponential growth in sports card sales for 6 straight years.  Literally, more than a million dollars flowed through the cash register during those years.

To my mind, it was all about market share and sales, not about profit. Profit would come later when I had established myself in Sisters, Redmond and two stores in Bend.

I think I probably did have a lion's share of the sales there during those years.

I won't go into all the reasons that collapsed -- just that, in hindsight, my very success was sure to attract competition in every direction and in unforeseen ways.

So those hundreds of thousands of dollars that was spent growing -- all my profits and more -- and worse borrowed money -- became meaningless.  All the money that flowed through the cash register that last year -- hundreds of thousands of dollars -- none of stuck.  In fact, we ended up losing money, and being stuck with 2 dysfunctional stores that were cash flow negative.

What would have happened if I hadn't been so aggressive, and had instead taken a higher percentage of profit out each year?  What would have happened if I hadn't cared about market share, only in making the share I had work for me?

I would have made profits during those six years, and I would have been better prepared for competition, but most importantly I wouldn't have built up this big, impressive infrastructure that in the end proved to be useless.

The bigger you get, the bigger the fall.

Ironically, Amazon is doing a pretty good job of killing off the dinosaurs in the meantime.  Best Buy and Barnes and Noble and all those ponzi scheme big boxes.  (Not coincidentally, examples of huge infrastructures that becomes obsolete almost overnight.)

I think the future belongs to the local, the small, and the nimble.

Picky, picky.

After slogging through the day before, I hit a wall in writing yesterday.

So I took the day off, and I'm going to take today off as well.

Linda and I are going to see Argo this afternoon.  Come to find out that the fake movie at the center of the plot was based on the book, Lord Of Light, by Roger Zelazny.  This was one of my favorite books when I was younger, though on rereading it as an adult it didn't quite hold up.

It's also one of the last books in the world that I would think was suitable for a movie.  Apparently, they kind of make fun of the book in the movie -- if so, I'm gonna resent that.

I was a naive reader -- probably still am -- because I read for entertainment.  I didn't catch that Narnia was a Christian allegory, I didn't see Atlas Shrugged as a manual for living but as a slightly S.F. idea rooted venture (thus, I don't think it made me any more of a selfish prick than I already was) and I was probably 6 or 7 books into the Gor series before I realized it was about S & M.

I read a lot of bad books and really liked them.

I almost wish I could still do that.

The Coming Together of a Book.

I wrote the entry down below under the throes of some dewy eyed rapture about writing.
After yesterday's hard slog, I'm much more sober about it all.  I'd probably take my skill rankings below down a notch, and the difficulty rankings up a notch.

It's frustrating to think I'm "almost" good enough.  I don't think I'm putting myself down here, just trying to be realistic.

Writing is a skill as well as a talent and the needle can be moved by hard work, and practice, and maybe a moment's inspiration.

Anyway, beware the overweening naivety.  I'm aware of it, but unwilling to tamp it down.



The Coming Together of a Book.

At least to my own satisfaction.

I think I've been flailing around for the last year and a half, thinking I was getting somewhere, but in the last couple weeks I feel like I've finally gotten my feet under me.

I've started feeling such a sense of satisfaction, that it's becoming addicting to me.  It's a high I can't describe.

The Coming Together of a Book.

I don't get this from anything else.  I had forgotten it.  It's probably been 25 years that I really felt it.

I don't know how to express it -- a very rewarding feeling of having created a Real Thing -- something that exists in its own right outside of me.   Followed by the feeling that this is what I was meant to be doing.

So that alone has been worth the effort.


So if I look at all my books, I can see them in three different levels.

1.)  Adequate.  First draft level, readable.

2.)  Better but still not altogether good.

3.)   An actual good book.

Frankly, I'm not sure I've ever gotten to the third level.  But I hadn't identified the problem quite so clearly.

So Star Axe was more or less at the second level. (I think I thought the editors would help me get to another level; instead they accepted it and who was I to argue?)

Snowcastles was probably at the first level, just more 'readable' than normal.

Icetowers was at the second level.

The 4th and 5th books, Bloodstone and The Changelings, probably didn't even get to the first level, frankly.

The 6th book, Deviltree, got at the higher regions of the second level, but despite all my efforts never got the turbo boost.

The 7th book, Sometimes a Dragon, was probably more or less a first level book.

The 8th book, I'm Only Human, which is the one I'm working on now, I think is very close to becoming a second level book.  I'm in the rough stage of that.  But instead of sending it off I want to ask my subconscious for a way to make it a third level book.

The 9th book, The Reluctant Wizard, I can now see clearly as a first level book -- but I have yet to really apply myself to it.


So the basic idea, is get the books to the second level; but then try to boost them to a third level.

I'm actually confident that I can.  I may be wrong -- since I haven't gotten there yet in my own estimation.  But I have to try.

How do I judge it?

Adequate:  5 or 6 on a scale of 10.
Good.  7 or 8 on a scale of 10.
Really good.  9 or 10.

I think books get published in the range of 6 and above, though obviously, the higher the scale the more your chances.  However, I believe an 8 could be passed on, and a 6 accepted, for reasons beyond the actual quality.

I think on a scale of 10, my imagination is at about an 7 or 8, potentially more.  My writing ability is about a 5 or 6, but after a lot of work can get to a 7 or 8.  My work habits have been a dismal 2 or 3, but over the last few weeks have suddenly become a 5 or 6, possibly even a 7.

(Obviously, my ego is a 9 or 10.)


Here's the thing.  There was simply no way with my responsibilities over the last 30 years that I could have gotten there.  But now, I'm finally in a position to do it.

I have a weird confidence I can.  Especially now that I've clarified my goals.

Who knows what happens after -- whether I find an agent, or a publisher, or put it online and hope for an audience... 

That's all secondary to my own estimation of whether I've accomplished my goal.  I've traveled such a distance from when I first start writing again -- around May of last year.  I see now, that it requires that I go ALL IN, or it won't work.  Writing my first draft of The Reluctant Wizard --which was a totally immersive experience -- was my first intimation.  Now, being equally obsessive about the new draft of I'm Only Human, only confirms the necessity.


Back to the mundane work habit:

I have 6 clear days to work on this new 'rough' draft of I'm Only Human and hope to get it finished.  It will happen or it won't.  It's important that I stay on it, but not give myself a deadline.

Then I need to clean it up of discrepancies and contradictions.  Again, important that I stay on it, but not give it a deadline.

Make sure that I've got all the exposition in order.

Then try to add more scene descriptions -- sights, sounds, smells, etc. etc.  Telling details. The actual quality of writing that makes the book come alive.

Then --,  I need to start searching for the turbo charged last draft, whatever that is.  This may happen soon -- or a long time from now.  Eventually, if I give up on getting to the third level, I'll have to decide what to do about it.

Thing is, my subconscious seems to be coming up with solutions, which is pretty damn cool.  I only need to ask the right questions.  So I'm giving myself the benefit of the doubt and thinking I'll come up with the third version.

Not discouraged, but still intimidated.

I've told this story before, but it is so apropos to where I'm at right now, that it bears repeating.

Back when I was reading books about writing, I read one about or by Erle Stanley Garner, the creator of Perry Mason.

The how-to showed a full example of a Perry Mason short story.  It was pretty good.  Not bad.  I liked it.  I could have read it and enjoyed it without thinking anymore of it.

But Garner then tweaks it, and writes a second draft and it's much better -- twice as good.  And I think, yeah, that's the way it should have been.

Then he writes a third draft, with a final turbo twist and it's magnitudes better!

It was a real eye opener for me.  It taught me that there are probably always ways to tweak a story, and that the story isn't done until you've found that 'turbo twist.'

This means that the first draft of I'm Only Human, which I arm-twisted people into reading, was nowhere near good enough, though I thought it was at the time.  It seems to be a step I have to go through to get to the next stage. (The same is no doubt true of The Reluctant Wizard, but I'll face that when it's time.)

And it means I probably need to ramp it up at least one more time before it is ready to attempt to try to think about possibly considering the potential idea of contemplating the ... you get the idea.


Anyway, over the last week, I've found so many ways to improve I'm Only Human, that I feel I'm at about where that second Perry Mason draft was -- twice as good, but still not there.  I mean, I like it, but I want to get it even better.

If I can write the one more burst of improvement, find the turbo tweak, it could make the book a legitimate contender.


If I have to completely rewrite some stuff, then so be it.

I'm going to need to make the tone consistent all the way through, ramp up the urgency.

There are probably going to be all kinds of discrepancies.  Lots and lots of them.

Best thing to do is just cut anything that doesn't fit and try to put stuff back in later.

I think I would be more discouraged, and intimidated, if it didn't all seem to "fit."  It's like, "Oh, that was meant to be there all along!"  "Oh, that's the reason that happened."  "Oh, there's a good explanation for that, which helps answer a bunch of other stuff too."

It's almost as if the book exists and I'm just finding different parts of it at different times.

To me, the book is now at least twice as good as it was just a week ago.

So no reason to get discouraged.

Though I am still intimidated.

Thursday thuds.

I'm purposely not going to a bunch of my regular sites because I want to keep my orders to a minimum until Christmas.

No sense being tempted.  Of course, I'm losing out on some information that might be useful, but really, I'd like to make some profit this Christmas, and it begins now.

Feeling pretty good about the stocking level at the store, so think I can do it.

**********

I tried to play the market with the latest Magic release, which was supposed to be in short supply, so I way overordered.  I mean, I'll sell it all, I'm not worried about that -- but it will be cashflow negative for a long time.

Anyway, my "playing the market" days are over.  I got pretty good with it with Pogs, and Beanie Baby's and Pokemon, but we're coming up on 13 years since the last of those happened.

Either those plays don't exist anymore, or I've lost my touch.

**********

I don't know if they're original with me, probably not, probably overheard them.  But I keep thinking with Romney, he's the Chameleon in Chief, he's Severely Moderate now.

**********

I've been trying to find a conservative to moderate political website I can go to that doesn't absolutely enrage me, making me recoil in horror.  There's the USA Today, of course, but it's site has become a chore to read.

I don't want to live in a Liberal Bubble.

The only site I can stomach is Business Insider.  I swallow my urge to retch at their headlines, and try to read the stories.

Fucking media.  All over the place with their alarmist headlines.

**********

Besides, the polls are so close and the election is so close, that I figure I can safely ignore them now, and just wait for the real results.

From the story out, not the rules in.

There are tons of problems with the book.

I've got a funny attitude about this. 

Every problem is an opportunity to improve the book.

Every solution to a problem, improves the book.

The chaos is just an opportunity to find new ways of doing it.


One of the writer's group members was talking about how real writers plan everything in advance.  Like an artist, they have the vision they want already in their heads.

I disagreed.  I said that my understanding of many  artists is that they often find inspiration in happy accidents.  For me, writing a story means lots of false starts and deadends, but each of them spark ideas.

Michelangelo is said not to known what he would sculpt until he started carving -- that the stone itself told him what it wanted to be.

It seems so bloodless to me to sit around and diagram.  Plus, I think there is a huge tendency now to follow formula's.  Lots of writer books about How To Write.

Don't get me wrong -- all this is important.

I usually find where I want to go within about 50 pages or so.  But by exploring the characters and their motivations and having the plot arise from that, I think I find a book that works better than if I come up with the plot, and then invent characters to fulfill that plot.

Another member of the group had a great point.  What if the end destination turns out to be different from the one you planned?

Besides -- my reading of  how-to writing books is that they tend to contradict each other.  Which only confirms my suspicion that every writer does it differently.

The real answer is -- whatever works for you.

I have to insert here -- almost every small business book I've ever read has been utterly useless and unhelpful.  My own experience in business either seems to contradict what they're telling me, or most often, lay completely outside of what they're telling me.  Bah.   I suspect writer's how-to books are nearly as useless.

Let me give you another example:  there are critiquers who come to group who have a set of perimeters as to what they think is good writing, and they apply these rules to every story they hear.

Whereas, I try to find what parts of the story I've just heard can be improved.  That is, from the story out.  Instead of from the rules in.

I've seen writers waylaid by these outside strictures of formula.  Instead of following their hearts, they try to conform.  Often it seems to me, these writer's never finish, or quit writing altogether.

This is not to say they shouldn't try to learn.

But more important to me, is to start writing and exploring your subconscious.


Finally, as a bit of irony.  I fully intend to TRY to outline the next book.  I've tried in the past, and never wrote the books.  But I admit I'm getting a little tired of the dead ends and red herrings.  So maybe I'll find out I've been wrong all this time -- that outlining is the way to go.

I'll give it a try.

The Typewriter only looks romantic.

This seems to be turning into a writer's diary.  Sorry about that.

At last night's writer's group I was saying how much easier it is to write with digital.  That the last time I was seriously trying to be a writer I was using a typewriter.

Hell, if this technology had been around back then, I probably would never have quit!

Sarah ---who is young, she couldn't know how primitive we were -- said she wasn't so sure.  That writing on a typewriter would make a book more cohesive.  That many writers she noticed seem to cut and patch and it shows.

I can see the danger.

I guess I always figured I'd still have to do a final, irrevocable draft -- whether on a computer or a typewriter.

Anyway, I've heard this nostolgia for typewriters before -- how it forces the writer to slow down, think, make every word count.

And having done both, I can tell you that there is no comparison.  Give me digital, or give me ... unfinished books!

Going Rogue, going gone.

Sarah Palin's Going Rogue is on one of the book liquidation sites for .50 each, if you buy 10.

Goodbye, Sarah, don't let the ink smudge you on the way out...

**********

There's a kinda funny video of Chris Mathews and Bill O'Reilly debating each other on helium.

It would have been much funnier if they hadn't dragged their feet so much -- it was clear they were uncomfortable.

One of them missed a bet -- should have just talked into all the silences and won that debate!

**********

I got a series of cheap children's books: I Love Trucks, I Love Dinosaurs, etc. and they sell consistently.

Finally figured out that parents will splurge for a 3.99 book to keep their kids happy.  With the bonus that they're 'educational.'

There is a whole industry of these little factoid books, and I'm going to try some more variations.

It's great -- whatever gets kids to read.

**********

Went to writer's group.  Read my new fourth chapter --which they hated.  Sarah thought I was giving too much away, and sleeping on it, she's probably right.

They liked the first chapter, but weren't sure it worked as a first chapter....they caught a glaring error that wasn't a problem when it appeared later in the book, but needs to be addressed if it is the first chapter.

Linda wrote me a little note on here copy of the chapter as I was being eviscerated.

("I think this is really good!")

I love being married to a writer.

**********

For you non-writers, you can skip the rest.

This is turning into a real rewrite.  Changing the nature and focus of every scene.

I'd forgotten this is how it goes.

At the same time, it feels to me like it's turning into a real book.  Like, I can just feel it donning its cloak.  It is kind of a cool feeling; like what I remember.  I don't know if it will ever get good enough, but it's getting closer.

My books always start out sketchy.  I mean, I don't think they are at the time I'm writing them.  Complications in the process start to creep in, and in dealing with the complications, the book starts to take on another layer; and another...

This is turning into a new rough first draft in some ways.  The transitions and bits of business don't quite work anymore.  I'll either have to change them, or cut and replace them.  I'm thinking of just asking myself: What is the purpose of this scene(?), paraphrase that, and stick it in.  Nothing fancy.

I'm trying to eliminate as many flashbacks as possible, except the 'famous writer' ones.  I hoping those chapters have enough interest to add to the overall atmosphere, even if they don't necessarily advance the plot.

I changed one characters flashback story to real time, now that I'm allowing 3rd person chapters.  I blended another flashback scene into another contemporary scene.  And so on.

I think overall, it will read faster.  I cut 3000 words, so I'm back to the same number of words as when I started.  As long as I stay over 80,000 words.  I dropped most of the humorous bits, keeping just a little of the character banter -- and making much of it more serious.  Certainly, the new early glimpse of Hell chapter is way more serious -- I'm playing a little game with the character's viewpoint, in that I think I'm letting the reader believe he is the one person when he is actually another.

I have one whole side story, about a character who is the love interest of the protagonist, that is still a problem.  I need something to more directly tie her into the story -- more of a reason for protagonist to NEED to go visit her.

It's early, I'm sure I'll think of something.  I'm amazed I've accomplished so much in just a few days.

This is going to work, I think, if I can keep making this kind of progress.

The real test of it's worthiness, I think, is my willingness to work on it.  If I think there is something there.  As well as my willingness to cut deeply.  That really shows that I'm trying to make it work.

I've cleared the deck for the next seven days -- after writer's group tonight and after I make my monthly orders.  We'll see what the book looks like at the end of a full week. 

It's funny, I've finally adjusted to this idea of doing a rewrite.  The trick seems to be -- open the book, get sufficiently into the idea of the book, and then just let the mind wander.  Ideas come in snippets sometimes in whole swaths.

When I have a story problem, I just let my mind work on it and there is almost always a solution.

Speaking of which -- I was trying to tie in Lillian, and I thought of the answer.  The Book, that Simmons talks about in the fourth chapter, and which I now include in the Cthulhu Parsons scene and which Cobb asks about later.  That's the connection.

Yep, that works.

I think though, it makes much of the rest of the scene not work.  So I'll need to cut much of it -- maybe I can have the love flashback.

Damn this is complicated.

We're not much better than chimps.

So I've been puzzling over this collapse in the Obama campaign over one bad performance.

If you take the entirety of the season, to me it's like a guy pitching a one hit ball game and still losing.

Anyway, I remember a psychology study I once read;

It basically said if you have a low opinion of someone before or when you first meet them, and you end up liking them, you end up liking them MORE.

And the reverse is true: if you have a high opinion of someone before or when you first meet them, and you end up not liking them, you end up liking them even LESS.

So Obama may not have done himself any favors by having such a long streak of publicity wins; and strange as it sounds, all the gaffes Romney made made his resurgence that much easier.

Human psychology -- not much better than chimps.

That way lies voter madness.

I've said I won't use this blog to advocate on politics one way or the other.

How about if I don't do that (much, Vote Obama!) and instead talk about mechanics only.

I've always felt that most so called independents are conservative.  Let's call them "not-rhino's."

Assuming that most "undecided" voters would call themselves "independent" I'm going to make a guess that they'll break for Romney.

So with the two candidates only a point or two apart (if the Gallup is an outlier -- then Obama probably has a two or three point lead -- not enough; if not, he has half a point lead which may be better or worse as I write this) then most of the undecided breaking for Romney would give him the win.

But a 5 point lead for Obama in Ohio probably gives him the win.

So  -- you guessed it; Obama wins the electoral college and Romney wins the popular vote.

Even though Bush did the same thing over Gore (yeah, yeah, Florida...sort of proves the point) something tells me the looney right will be near insurrection if that happens.

That way lies madness.

**********

Watched the Walking Dead talk show.  Pretty inane stuff.

I think they're missing a bet though.

The set looks like a doctor's lounge or something.  They should have bare, grey wooden walls, couches losing their stuffing, threadbare throw rugs -- things like that.  Much more in keeping with the show.

**********

I've gained back about 6 of the 15 pounds I lost.  This while writing, which is munchie time for me.  And bags of Halloween candy around the house.

So I'm going to start over on November first, and get to the 175 I want to be at.

**********

Blew it.  Kept holding off on the last lawn mowing and winterizing the house.

Next slightly warm period, I'll just have to get muddy and do it.

**********

How important are casual opinions about bad habits -- or good habits for that matter?

"Are you against smoking downtown?"  Hell, yeah.

Well, are you against being fat, and broke, and out-of-shape?   Of course!

If you asked if downtown needs a comic shop, how many would say yes?  Since the percentage of people who read comics on a regular basis might be, oh, 2% on the outside?

Sorry, I just don't buy that 90% survey, not for policy purposes.

**********

There was a show on called "Captains of Industry" or something like that, and the episode was about Rockefeller, and they quote Mark Cuban as saying, (paraphrased) -- "Most people can to up to the line, but don't cross it.  Successful people cross the line"

Let's be clear here: he's talking about crossing a moral, ethical, or legal borderline.  He would deny it, but that's what he's really talking about.

Hey, give me the guys who DON'T cross the line, and Rockefeller can rot in hell.

So that's the angle this show has.

Their other "experts?":  Trump, Greenspan, and Mr. Evil himself, Jack Welch.

I don't think you could come up with a more discredited and dubious group.

P.S.  That "Line" has come up over and over again in my career as a businessman, and I've tried every time not to cross it.

I'm not rich.

And we wonder why the age of the Robber Barons has returned?

**********

I'm changing the entire tone of I'm Only Human.  It started off being a light commentary on human  behavior, and is now turning into a serious end-of-the-world story.

I feel empowered by the digital to make extreme changes, because I can always go back.

Even though I was trying to streamline the story yesterday, I added 5000 words.  In the store I call this "subtraction by addition": that is, I'm sometimes actually adding material while I streamline the process.  Hard to explain.

An oxymoron, that's what I am.

***********

How come my twitter comments have dropped off this page?  Anyone?

I'm done, but still far from done.

Bear with me, if you will.  It's pretty wonky, so I'll understand if you don't.

This is about writing again.

What I'm trying to say here is, I'm not done until I'm done.  Which is obvious, but I'm having to learn it all over again.   I think I fooled myself at first that I could just dish out a book, but the deeper in the muck I get, the more I see I need to do yet.

Actually, this isn't all that different from the last time I tried to be a writer.

 "Oh!  Now I remember!"

It's like painful memories I've suppressed.  Yes, it always took me forever to get anything readable.  Even then, I'm not sure I ever got it to where it should be, I just didn't have enough patience to keep going.

I struggled with Star Axe for a good six years, going to writer's classes and just starting over again and again.  Finally, I just wrote a full draft and sent it off.

Snowcastles came easy, but it was short and simple and I was in the midst of my most intensive writing period.  But Icetowers had to be reworked several times.

The problems with the 4th and 5th books was that I DIDN'T do what I should have done, and got slapped down for it.

The 6th book, because of the suggestions of the editors, got rewritten all the way through several times, and while it came close to getting published several times, it never quite got there.

With 7th book, I got kind of stubborn: "I LIKE it!   To hell with them if they don't see its value!"

Like I said, suppressed memories.  Fooling myself that it will be easy this time.

This is my process, not anyone else, and it's insanely inefficient.  But I stumble around for a single idea, and then another, and then have to start all over.

 (Hanging out there: There is a legitimate question on some books, most books, whether they should continue to be worked on or simply given up on.)

Still -- creativity isn't a race.  There is no timeline here.  And in the scheme of things, I've accomplished a lot.  It was only a year and a month ago that I really kicked the writing thing into a higher gear; in that time, I've finished full drafts of two different novels.

I won't guess this time how close I am to finishing.  



Anyway, back to the present:

As I've been saying,  I reorganized the book, which was much simpler than I expected.  I think it reads better.

BUT:  The very fact that I could have moved so many scenes around and made it work means to me that I'm missing forward momentum.  That there is no buildup of suspense.

It's lacking something.  A damsel tied to the train tracks, a ticking time-bomb.

So far, its just sort of interesting, and somewhat clever, with some characters moving in a general direction.   But while I might get away with being lightly clever in a blog, it just doesn't hold a book together.  Either it has to be serious, or it has to be incredibly sustained cleverness -- which I just don't think I can pull off.

So serious it is.

Is it fixable?  Is there some method I can use to impart suspense?

I'm going to sleep on it for awhile.

Eventually, I'll  put it out there regardless -- but I think it is still missing something.  I'm sure I can find it.
(Next time, I think I will try to write an outline -- but I don't know if I can do that, because I tend to discover the story through the writing.  I've written outlines before and then never wrote the books.  But it would save a lot of false starts and deadends if I could see my way to it.)

Thing is -- weirdly enough, I think 'problems' are what make a book interesting.  That is, if I can identify why it isn't working -- which can be the hardest thing to do -- then I can try to come up with solutions, and in trying to come up with solutions I think of new things, new connections, which can make the book more interesting.

That is, the compromises I make, the explanations for contradictions, can add a layer of messy meaning.

Identifying problems gives me a chance to improve.

As long as I can keep identifying problems, I can keep improving.


Slept on it:

One thing I can do is go ahead and write 3rd person sections -- or turn the whole book into 3rd person as I originally intended.  That way, I can add the suspense elements without having to turn the plot upside down quite so much.  (Right now, it all has to happen with the viewpoint character...)

It is actually a nifty element of suspense to have the reader know things that the main protagonist doesn't.

I googled "suspense" and this is what I came up with:

Questions to ask:

What's going to happen? (That would seem implied in plot.  I've done that much, minimum.)

A puzzle.  (Who is Cthuhlu and what do they want?)

Exploring the unknown.  (Its dark and slimy and their something out to get them.  A dark garage, the caves, a dank basement.)

Damsel in distress;tied to the tracks.  (How about a missing child?  Someone we meet early.  Parker's child?  She's married, but in love with Parsons?)

Ticking timebomb.  (How about 3 days until the invasion?)

Who's going to die?  Have people missing.  Realize the authorities are in on it. 

I need a stronger villain than I currently have.   

Make the reader care. (Vonnegut's rules: "Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.")  Have Cobb be a boxed in, more restrained character -- with hidden strengths...have all of Faery against him, instead of for him...?  He can't go back to his old form, without forgetting everything he has learned as a human?  His old world hates him, (or so he thinks) and he doesn't fit in this new world.

Stack the odds against the main character.  (Vonnegut's rules: "Be a sadist. No matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them -- in order that the reader may see what they are made of.")

Jesus.  That is one hell of a lot of work.  Might as well write a different book!  Still, it's also a lot of raw material, which is no easy thing.  I talked above about doing an outline -- it may be a little late in the game, but it would seem to be time.