Local Happenings?

So I think Buster is back saying I don't write about anything interesting anymore and don't talk about local happenings.

Problem is, I just don't have the fodder I used to have.  Bend Blogs is apparently extinct.  The Source has turned into a pretty useless rag since H. Bruce left, written by people who have lived here for five minutes.

The Bulletin can actually be impressively straightforward sometimes, but more often than not they don't delve into things too deeply.

What do I think?  I think the local economy -- and the national economy for that matter -- have been manipulated to large extent.  Thing is, it's working.  This is manipulation on a grand scale, lasting not weeks, or months, or years -- but decades.

And if it works, it works.  By the time the consequences of being manipulated might take effect, the situation has already changed, a new manipulation has set in, and it carries on.  Sure, someday it could collapse of its own weight, but we humans are pretty clever when it comes to survival.

For instance, I never thought downtown Bend would empty out.  I thought the momentum we had going for us would bridge us to the next upturn.  I think that is exactly what happened.

The housing market recovering, with houses actually going up in price.  Well, that's obviously bullshit but if it works it works.

I certainly have had enough instances in my own business of "fake it until you make it." 

It works. 

Bank of the Cascades is another example.  While not a big bank, I still think it was given more time and help and excuses than would be normal in other eras, but they probably have been able to right the ship.

I'm not even sure that's wrong, even if it offends my sensibilities.  

So I think we're back to the normal B.S. that has always existed and will always exist.

Even if it's fundamentally wrong, even if you believe in the long run there will be hell to pay, it's stupid to fight it. 

They've filled in the cracks with putty, put on a fresh new coat of paint, and while the underlying structure is weak it could be decades before anything happens.

By then, who knows what the situation will be?

How do you portray nothing happening?

JOURNAL: 5/20/13.

Trying a couple of tricky narrative tricks.  Don't know if they are going to work.

I'm just trying to get the basic plot down.  I'm going to need to go back later and add depth.

Soon I'll be facing the cold and hunger chapters.

How do you portray long periods of time where nothing happens?  How do you portray not eating and not moving without being boring?  That will be a challenge.

Once they try to escape, and once the werewolves start striking, then everything will be easier.

So I've got to figure out a trick.


Wrote the second Stanton chapter.  It was a struggle.  I finally added a werewolf element to the chapter, and that gave me enough wordage.

I've got one more set-up chapter, which will get us halfway through the book.

Then the cold, starving chapters at Truckee Lake.

Not sure how I'm going to do those.  I feel like I need a couple of chapters of that without the werewolves.  Maybe have the werewolf enter the second chapter.

How do portray hunger?   How do you portray nothing happening but hunger and cold?

Then go to Stanton and Reed, and the beginning of the rescue.

Then the action scenes to fill out the rest of the book.

Writing and selling a book are two different things.

Something else I've been meaning to say.

Writing a book and selling a book are two completely different things.

That's all there is to it.

God bless those who can do both, but being able to do one doesn't mean you can do the other.

I've been struggling with the dichotomy for two years now.  Trying to find a way around it.  Looking for loopholes.

There aren't any.  They are two different processes.  Period.

I'm interested in doing the one, but not only not interested in doing the other but actively repelled by the process.

When I used to work for other people, I was always the guy who did the work without fanfare and got no credit.  Which is why I'm self-employed.  My work speaks for itself.

It almost doesn't matter how good my writing is.  I'd like to believe that a quality book would be rewarded, but there is too much evidence out there that that is a rare and lucky occurrence.

There are just as many examples, if not more, of inferior books garnering tons of attention.

But the truth is, I don't know how good my books are.  The point I'm trying to make is, it doesn't matter.  They are as good or bad as they are.

Which has nothing to do with with the process of selling them.  Obviously, it helps if you've written something really good.  But you still have to engage in the process of selling, and that is a different skill.

Good writer/bad promoter.
Bad writer/good promoter.
Bad writer/bad promoter.
Good writer/good promoter.

Any and all these possibilities exist, but in every case they are separate events.

The books exist. Little alternate universes.

I read the latest chapter of Led to the Slaughter to Linda and she grinned and said, "Yeah, you've got a real book there."

Which got me to thinking.  What is a 'real' book?

Very often I don't feel a though I'm creating a story so much as uncovering a story.  It's as if they exist in their own right -- that they have their own existence and reality, apart from whether anyone ever reads them.  As though the Universe has recognized their reality.

As if, in some alternate universe, this story exists.

I have a fully complete book that no one has read.  Linda heard the first 15% or so, but no one has read or heard any of the rest of it.  (Wolflander.)  It exists on my computer -- the characters are doing their thing, feeling their feelings, events happen.  But without anyone reading it.  I finished the book and immediately took the Donner Party werewolf chapters out (without affecting the book, really) and started writing on those instead.

I also have a Sometimes a Dragon version that no one has read; and the last version of Nearly Human, only one or two people have read.

All just stored in digital bits, ready to spring alive.

But they are alive, inside their little bubble of reality.  I have to believe they exist, because they were written (created or discovered.)  Whether or not anyone ever reads them.

Feeling this way, the online option seems like a good one.  I put out these little alternate versions of reality and they float in their little cocoon, waiting to be discovered.

But they already exist whether or not they are ever discovered.

Struggling with it.

I really struggled with writing yesterday -- the way it's supposed to be, eh?  I made my quota of words, but I wasn't satisfied with them.  This book is going to require a lot of rewriting to make it good.

It can be hard to get my head in the story after a few days away working at the store.  But I know the break is probably good for me.

As I mentioned on my blog, it goes to show how socialized I've become that I even notice how lonely writing is. 

It also probably shows that my expectations have been raised that I even consider the possibility of people actually reading me.  I think I used to daydream a lot about being published, but also figured it wouldn't happen.  Now I think I daydream a little less, but know that this writing will be put out there, one way or another.

Not sure which is better.

I can't help but talk about writing at the store and I'm afraid I'm becoming obnoxious about it.  Or talk too much about it here.  But whenever I think maybe I shouldn't talk about it so much, I realize that the feedback I'm getting this way may be the only feedback I'll ever get.  And little pats on the back can carry me a long ways.


Anyway -- I always have trouble when I try to overlay or integrate new material with old material.  I think I might be better off just starting from scratch, but it's hard when some of the old material is good.

The solution -- counter-intuitively -- isn't to integrate the new material into the old, but to write the new material as if the old material doesn't exist and then try to incorporate the old material into the framework.  

I'm recognizing that this is a book that will require a lot of rewriting.  As I've mentioned before, I write two kinds of books: ones that come easy and ones that come hard.  This is one that will come hard, I can already see.

I'd kind of sworn that I wouldn't do the latter type anymore, but I like this idea so much that I'm going to finish it. 

Probably won't hurt me to slow down and fight with a book for awhile.

The stock market, because what else can I do?

First let me say -- We're a nation of ninnies.

Most of what I hear of politics these days seems like inane nattering.  We have real problems we're not even addressing, and we're wasting out time on stupid stuff.

We've obviously gone off the rails.  It ain't the liberals -- it's the conservatives who have brought this about. 

They're delusional.


Anyway, I wanted to talk about the stock market.  So ... the last two booms, I wasn't there.  No money at all.  I put what little I had in an IRA in the stock market at its lowest month of the crash -- so I'll always sort of pat myself on the back about that.  But it was probably just coincidence.

Anyway,  I've been trying to keep up with economic news reports for a long time now, and I've decided that I can always find very bearish reports, and sometimes find some bullish reports, and everything between.

So, taking that all into account -- by tossing them in the rubbish bin -- I'm trying to look at the bigger picture.

What I remember about the last two bubbles was being completely aware at the time that they were bubbles.  Long before they burst.  I couldn't understand, for instance, how a company selling widgets on NASDAQ could be worth five times more by making the same widgets.

Every time I've ever had the reaction of:  That makes no sense!  ----  It has turned out to make no sense.

I'm on record on this blog for fearing a housing bubble -- it's the reason I started this blog in late 2006 in the first place, after participating in discussions on other local blogs for months before that, and being concerned for several years before that.

As I always say, I've seen bubbles -- pogs, beanie babies, sports cards, Pokemon.  They have certain indicators.

I see nothing like those two situations in the current market.  I see tons of dangers and negative signs, but they are the usual bearish things that one can always find.

So while there are plenty of negative things to look for, overall I don't see the massive destructive bubble that I saw the last two times.

We've kept our money in the stock market this whole time, and it seems to have worked pretty well.  Even a massive correction would only take us back where we started. 

Besides, what else am I going to do?

The structure of a novel can be the hardest thing to figure out.

I wanted to get to the "meat" of the story as quickly as possible.

Problem is, most of what made the Donner Party the Donner Party was the Hasting Cutoff, which was a "shortcut" through Utah and Nevada, going over the Wasatch Mountains and then down into the Great Salt Lake.

It was a disaster.  They fell far behind, lost much of their cattle and supplies.  By the time they reached the Sierra Nevada's they were already in trouble.

So I do want to detail some of the ordeal they went through.  It's also my chance to develop some of the characters before the desperation sets in.

So, I'm thinking I'll need to spend about the first third of the book developing this.

The solution, to some extent, is to have some action backed flashforward chapters, which I do in the first chapter.

This becomes a problem because the flashforward viewpoint character of that first chapter is out of danger after that some time.

I have another flashforward character I can use, but I'm afraid it might be confusing.

The structure of a novel can be about the hardest thing to figure out.

The loneliest thing.

Writing is the loneliest thing there is, I think.

No one's making me do it.  No one is insisting.  No one is even requesting.

I spend hours alone in a room, making stuff up that no one will read.

It is completely self-directed; I write as few or as many words as I want.  As I struggle with a book, I realize if I abandoned it no one would know or care.  It would remain forever orphaned forever unfinished.  A still birth. 

Unlike other activities, say like music or art or gardening or....any number of activities, writing takes the active participation of another.  Art and music, for instance, can be taken passively by the recipient.  I mean, all artistic activities are lonely, I suppose.  But you can get a sense of a painting or a piece of music in a few moments, but to get a full novel you have to read a full novel.

Quality control is up to me -- to some extent, beyond natural ability.  How much work and effort and time is up to me.  But mostly, and this sounds harsh -- no one really cares.  In the end I do it because I want to do it. 

But sitting there at the keyboard, it's all me, all the time.




Rereading the above.  Poor boy....

Getting to the "meat" of the story, yuck, yuck.

I already had most of the contents of the fifth and sixth chapters written.  Originally, they were to be the 'flashback' chapters in Wolflander, but I loved the idea so much that I extracted them and encased them in a whole new story.

I'm about 12,000 words in, and getting very close to the desperate times.  It will be cold and hunger -- and werewolves -- from here on.

I'll have a few chapters with James Reed in California trying to raise support for a rescue mission.  Appealing to John C. Fremont, taking part in the Battle of Santa Clara (all true.)

Also have a viewpoint character in Charles Stanton, who also made it over the mountains but bravely went back.

But mostly:  Cold.  Hunger.  Werewolves.

Rolling right along.

Looks like a disrupted day.

Going to an appointment in the morning, then maybe to a movie.

So I'm going to find out if I can write at the end of a busy day or not.

*****

Got a little writing in before we left.

I'm not going to be able to stick to the historical facts and timeline completely.  Even in the first chapter, I have James Reed's escape over the mountain happening after the werewolves have already started feeding, whereas in real life it would have had to happen before.

I'll try to stick to the timeline as often as possible, but I think the story comes first.

Fortunately, I'm getting many of my ideas for the plot from the original events -- so much of it will parallel what really happened.  It's just the the arc of events was very drawn out and confusing and duplicating and anti-climactic, that I've got to impose more of a story over that.

*****

Went to see Iron Man.  Fun movie, but I keep thinking these movies would be better with less.  They are so overthetop action that it's hard to enjoy them completely.

*****

Came home and wrote the rest of the fourth chapter, so that was something to learn -- that I can have a semi-busy day and still get my chapter done.  Next experiment, to see if I can do some writing tomorrow night after working at the store.  I haven't really tried that since I came back to writing, but I've got a good head of steam worked up and I'd like to see if anything comes.

*****

One of my three viewpoint characters (not counting the werewolves) is a 13 year old girl and I'm wondering how I dare to try write that.  But...it doesn't seem that hard.  I remember being a naive 13 year old boy and it seems like if I reverse that, and use a little imagination, it can get done.

It's almost harder to write the father, James Reed, who is what I call an "adult".  Serious and authoritative and domineering.  Never been that.

The third character, Stanton, is more of a stand-in for me, I think.  A businessman and outsider.

Another couple of chapters of foreboding and impending disaster, and then the rest of the book should be mostly action, which always seems easier to write.  I do want to create an icky atmosphere of dread and doom, much like the feeling I got reading ALIVE or other books about cannibalism.  So there may be a bit more narrative of them getting hungrier and more irrational and frightened.

But I want to set the werewolves into action as soon as possible.

The whole idea is to make this straightforward and fast and hopefully not boring at any point.  These lead up chapters I'm writing now are the most in danger of not being sufficiently engaging, but I'm hoping I can create a sense of suspense because the reader knows what's coming.

As it happened, with a twist.

Finished the third chapter of Led to the Slaughter:  The Donner Party Werewolves.

I'm restricting myself to one chapter per day -- trying hard to keep the whole process fresh.  Interestingly, the chapters are coming in at 2000 words each, which is at least 25% larger than most of my chapters in my other books.  So apparently, my subconscious refuses to write less than that.

I'm trying to be historically accurate in the large, but making it up in the small.  Making up many of the names of secondary characters, and descriptions of known characters and so on.  I may go back later and try to give my characters real names, but for me it's story first, accuracy later.

My compromise is that I'm trying not to contradict any of the known facts.  I don't think I'll be able to get through the whole story that way, but as much as possible, I want to stick to what is known, embellished by fiction.

I have as my main two protagonist, the father and daughter of James and Virginia Reed, who are to me the most interesting characters in the real story.

But these two characters aren't going to be enough to carry all the viewpoints of the story.  The Donner Party disaster was very chaotic -- just like in any good horror film, they kept splitting up and feuding with each other.

There was a gentleman in the real party named Stanton that seemed to be in the middle of many of the events that the Reeds weren't, so I think I'm going to bring him in as a viewpoint character.  I'm not sure whether he'll end up being a major villain or a major good guy.  Maybe won't know until he reveals himself.  I think, though, he's going to have to be a good guy.

My goal is to weave a believable story with the available facts, without warping those facts too much.

For instance, if Stanton and Pike get lost, and Stanton wakes up to realize that Pike has changed somehow, and they barely survive to rejoin the main group.  Later Pike is shot, supposedly by accident.

Well then, in my story, Pike has been bitten and when he turns, someone shoots him.

That kind of thing, all through the story.

For maybe the first time, I'm feeling like plotting and outlining isn't a choice.  This story is so complicated and there are so many things going on and so many characters to keep track of, that even simplifying it I'm confused.

I'm going to have to try to be very clever.

As much as possible I'd like to stick to the known facts, and give them a little twist.

Abe makes an entrance.

I finished the second chapter of Led to the Slaughter.  Again, it came out much differently than I expected, but it came out.

It wasn't as action packed perhaps as the first chapter.  More of a set up chapter.  The Reed family decides to leave Springfield.  I was able to add one neat element.  Abe Lincoln as an influence.

Even better if I could actually get him into the chapter, somehow.  Maybe he pays a visit?

Later:

Yep, added him to the beginning of the chapter.  All historically valid.  How cool is that?

Abraham Lincoln around this time was offered the "secretary" position in the territory.  So I have him turning it down, and coming around to inform the Reeds of his decision, but how important he thinks Oregon is to the future of the country.  (Lincoln had lots of supporters in Oregon -- in 1849 he was offered the Governorship of the territory, but again turned it down.)

In August of 1846, Lincoln was elected to his one term in Congress, a couple of months before the Donner Party met its doom.  So it would be entirely possible that he visited the Reeds and informed them of his decision to run.

Both Reed and Lincoln fought in the Blackhawk war and lived in Springfield, so who knows?

Adding Lincoln to the chapter added 400 more words, which made the chapter longer than the first chapter, rather than smaller.  I'm trying for an average of 1500 words minimum per chapter, and about 30 chapters.

Making that a requirement forces me to flesh out things a bit more, I think.  I'm trying harder to put in descriptions and telling details.

Came back and added a couple of Lincoln anecdotes -- the story of him saving baby birds and his opinion of under dogs and how they often started all the "fuss."


It's actually difficult to restrain myself from writing more.  I'm done sooner than I expect, but I still think it's a good idea to let times lapse between new chapters.  Give myself a chance to recharge.  

Led to the Slaughter: The Donner Party Werewolves.

Wrote the first chapter of my new book yesterday.

I thought it came out really well.  A writer friend read it and seemed think it was not only good but that it was really really good.  Sometimes these reactions are enough to keep me going.

I'm trying to write at a chapter per day pace -- which under most circumstances would be considered a damn fast pace, but it's much slower than the pace I've been writing at over the last few months.

I want to think and consider each chapter for a full day.

I'm considering two titles -- Led to the Slaughter:  The Donner Party Werewolves.   Or just straight The Donner Party Werewolves.

Linda likes the latter, everyone else I've talked to likes the former.  But I think Linda might be right.  I think we have to knock people on the head with the basic premise; subtlety isn't the order of the day when it comes to putting out a book.

Meanwhile, I have a strong feeling this book is over my abilities to write.  But what's the worse that can happen?  That I fail at a book that I might never have attempted to write?

So I'm going to give it my best.

No writing plan survives the first paragraph.

So I said yesterday I'd write the Donner Party Werewolf in a very plain, matter of fact way.

Instead, the first few pages have probably been some of the most ornate language I've ever used.  It might be over the top, it might be overwriting, but it's what is coming out and I'm going with it.

I have a sort of different plan with this book.  I'm not going to worry about length.  I'm going to wait until inspiration comes for every part of the book, make sure the words are coming out naturally and feel right.

It may be I'll get bogged down and have to rethink this plan, but for now I'm hoping I've got enough psychic energy invested in this story that it will come to me.

I felt an urgency to get started, and this is usually a good sign.

The Donner Party Werewolf

The Donner Party Werewolf is just blooming in my mind.  I'm visualizing it like its a graphic novel.

I'm kind of eager to get started.

It may be a short book, which will be perfectly all right, I think.  If I get the story across.

I've written three chapters already, and have in find a new beginning and a way to continue the story from where I left off.

I'm going to try to write it in a very matter of fact way, without lots of melodrama.  Just describing what happens, told from the viewpoint of a father and a daughter. 

Have to work today, or I'd probably already be working on it.

Applying small business lessons to writing.

It's amazing how many of the lessons I've learned in my 33 years in business can be applied to writing.

For one thing, I'm usually planning for big changes at the store months and sometimes years in advance.  I slowly move that direction, get everything prepared ahead of time, and then when the time is right, I make the big move.  I have it all it all thought out -- what to carry, how to price it, where to place it.

Telling people ahead of time is useless.  Accomplishing it is the only thing that matters.

In fact, telling people in advance just dissipates the effect.  Promising at a certain date and then not delivering destroys your credibility.  Underpromise and overdeliver.

I'll usually test the waters a little, again without saying or promising anything.  So, to me, DEATH OF AN IMMORTAL is my test book -- making all my little mistakes with a single book.  (Timing and presentation -- it's been a learning experience...)

It's also true that most major changes I make seem to have little impact at first.  It takes a long time for people to notice and respond.  Often, regular or old customers never do notice.

Was talking to a friend who is a reader and he mentioned a couple of titles of books he was wanting to get.  He normally buys comics from me.

"I have both of those books in stock."

"I never think of your store for books..." he says.

Sigh. 

What happens is that I move on -- I find new customers. 

My store has always been about content.  I don't spend a lot of time on promotions -- indeed, I often feel promotions are counter-productive.

Being at a location where people can walk in the door and then having the item they are looking for -- or an item they didn't even know they were looking for -- that's pretty much my business plan.  Planning with layout and selection is my marketing.  

Anyway, I'm going to apply these techniques to my writing and producing of books, and hope that I eventually get a similar response. 

But first I need to plan it all out in advance.  Have the product ready.  What to carry, how to price it, where to put it.

Have something worthwhile from the beginning.

Being told what to write again.

Dreamed of a clever beginning to the Donner Party Werewolf story; and a clever structure it impells.

So I guess my subconscious really wants to try to write this story.  No pressure.  Just going to dabble at it.

I think I'll be easy on myself and not try too hard to be historically accurate in every detail.  Just the general flow of the story. 

Reduces the size of WOLFLANDER a little, but I've got replacement flashback chapters already in mind.

Feeling liberated again.

Every time I get a rejection I go through a cycle of reactions.   I've only had three rejections so far, actually.   Which isn't very far along the road in the scheme of things, certainly not enough to draw any firm conclusions.

Nevertheless it is enough to start getting a sense of direction of how this process is likely to play out.  One was a form rejection from an agent, who read the first three chapters of The Reluctant Wizard -- which right off the bat feels to me like an insufficient measure.  The other two rejections were from the same small publisher, who both times was very complimentary and basically told me I was writing fantasy and he was publishing hardcore horror.

But even here, even with fairly quick reactions, it felt like my life was being put on hold.  It wasn't -- I was writing the whole time I was waiting, but it's there in the background, preying on my mind.  Part of me likes this feeling -- it's a daydreaming anticipation, and a little bit of dread at the same time.  But part of me feels totally at the mercy of other people, for what seem whimsical and capricious and arbitrary reasons. 

It also reminds me though of the huge waiting times in my previous career, the waiting for someone else to answer and then do anything about it or see the light of day or get paid.  It reminded me of the hot and cold reactions of my agent, depending on the hot and cold reactions of the publishers.  Which didn't give me any faith that my agent really liked my writing, only that she thought I might be a meal ticket.

And this was when I was getting published!

I feel like somehow the whole system is a roadblock.  Especially for someone as prolific as me.

When I started this new round of writing, I was being tentative.  I wasn't sure how serious I was.

Now?

Pretty obviously, I'm going to be doing this.  I like doing this writing thing.

So maybe it is time to invest in myself and not wait for permission from someone else.

Get a real professional website up, which centralizes everything.  Get covers done to all the books.  Print out physical copies of my books -- and not call it vanity publishing, but instead call it self-publishing.  I think the world has changed, and my exposure to self-publishing in comics, where it is common, has convinced me this is a viable option.

All this will cost money, actually.  But it will be an investment in my own belief in my own writing, and I don't have to wait for the go-ahead from anyone else.

So far, I've been willing to pay for writing trips, which are really vacations as well.  I've been willing to pay for some professional editing help.  I've bought one out of three covers I've finished, and photoshopped the other two.  Frankly, the photoshopped covers were pretty good.  I think I can come up with the design elements and get others to do them.

The website will cost.  And the self-published copies will cost.  Hopefully, I can recoup some of the cost through selling in my own store.  (Tricky, that.)


The point of all this, is that my feeling is -- I need to just go for it.  Forget the old system.  As long as I'm enticed by the old system, I'm going to be hogtied by it.  There is a feeling of liberation in doing it myself.  At my own pace.

Certainly not worry about money.  Just exposure.

Sure, I may not get anywhere.  Maybe it's impossible to break out on my own.  But I can at least set up all the circumstances that would make a break out possible, even if it doesn't happen.  Neither Freedy Filkins or Death of an Immortal have been selling great.  But...I feel like I've just started.

Besides, I'm starting to build up so much material, I think the old system would be years behind me, at this rate, and meanwhile I intend to keep writing.

I'm learning a little bit with each effort.  Maybe if I do this for awhile longer, I'll figure out an effective way to produce and promote and get people to read my books.

Either way, I won't be sending my books out into the void.  (Well, maybe a different kind of void.)  But it will be my choice, and not someone else's.

In short -- the ethos of doing it myself.  Everything -- writing, producing and selling.

By holding back, by looking for someone else to do it for me, I'm in some ways cheapening the process, and showing a certain lack of faith.

I came to this conclusion once before, and then doubted it.  But I think maybe this time I'm ready to go full speed ahead.

If the traditional publishing happens, let it be because they come to me!

Good news and bad news.

I finished the first draft of WOLFLANDER around 2:00 yesterday afternoon and it felt great.

Sometimes typing that last sentence, I get a small wave of euphoria.

Not twenty minutes later I got a rejection from the horror publisher I'd submitted to.  It was the nicest rejection I can imagine:


Hey Duncan - 

I've been reading Nearly Human and I keep coming to the same conclusion: I like you, I like your writing, I would love to work with you, but this is the wrong book for Books of the Dead. 

Sorry about that, man... but I think you'd be better off with a Fantasy Publisher. 

Talk soon.

 

So that's obviously a downer.  I had already suspected I didn't meet the editorial direction of this publisher.  The capitalized words "Fantasy Publisher" is a dead giveaway.  As I've mentioned, I know I'm writing dark fantasy more than out and out horror, but I was hoping he'd stretch the definition.

I was hoping he'd be impressed enough to give me specific recommendations, but oh, well.

I'll just keep on writing.

I was lucky that the rejection didn't come sooner.  I mean, I'm feeling down right now.  I can't help it.  I doubt I'll be able to write for awhile after this.  Like I said, disappointment just sort of sinks in and take possession for awhile.  No help for it.

I know intellectually what's happened, but emotionally I still take it hard.

Cobb and Company.

'Cobb and Company' is what I'm terming this series of books to myself.  Not sexy but accurate.

I'm just two chapters from the finish of WOLFLANDER, which I'll probably do today and tomorrow.  Then send the raw first draft to Lara and see what she says.  I'm thinking that any suggestions might be really useful this early in the process.  Whatever she might suggest, I'd consider.

She may throw up her hands in horror -- or she may find it easier than NEARLY HUMAN -- I can't tell.

Then I'll sit back and contemplate the next book, which I'm calling GHOSTLANDER.  I have the basic premise in mind.

I dreamed last night about a time-travel Cobb and Company book.  So there are no end of stories I can write with these characters.

TIMELANDER 
VAMPLANDER.
XENOLANDER (aliens)
WOODLANDER (bigfoot)
FAERYLANDER
DRAGONLANDER

And so on.  Something like that.

I seem to have some sort of confidence cycle about my writing -- from being insanely confident to utterly un-confident.  I'm at the low ebb right now.  But strangely, it doesn't seem to keep me from writing.  Nor do I believe it changes the quality of the writing.

It doesn't matter.  I'm going to keep writing.  It's a moot point.