Doubts return.

Like clockwork, the doubts return.

I go through phases.  I get energized and positive and productive.

Then I have a fallow period, where I notice everyone elses success and compare it to my own struggles.

The answer I always come up with is that the book itself is all that matters.  The book itself exists outside of doubts and others and everything else. 

I'm only a few chapters from the end.  But I'm struggling with it.  Probably not a good time to be struggling.  Still, I had already mapped out the ending back when I was being positive so I'm following through.

I've mentioned before, I think my biggest challenge is rewriting.  That I need to do a whole lot of rewriting to make the book work.  That I just need to acknowledge that and get it done. 

Writing through the doubts is going to be an ongoing thing -- just as not getting too carried away by my enthusiasm is going to be an ongoing thing.

I've let the outside world creep into this process more than is healthy for me, so it's back to putting on blinders and forging ahead.

FCBD: Free Comic Book Day.

Explains itself.  This is the 12th year we've done this.

It's a nationwide promotion, always on the first Saturday of May, where the publishers create comics just for this event and we retailers buy them at a minimal cost (ah, hem...which nevertheless adds up, so if you buy something while you're in the store that would be good -- but not required.)

After having massive leftovers the first nine years or so, we've been running out the last two years.  I'm still trying to gauge demand, so you might want to be early rather than late.

We're letting people take 3 comics this year. 

Have fun everyone!

Closing my eyes.

JOURNAL;  5/3/13.

My subconscious is hung up on this book being accepted.  While my conscious acknowledges and recognizes that the chances are slim to none.  So all I'm doing is setting up my emotional network for a huge letdown.  But it doesn't matter what I say to myself, I still do it.

I've even come up with an involved scenario where being rejected is good: it allows me to keep writing until I get better.  So I tell myself.

But of course, I want to be published.  And I suspect I don't have the patience or the willingness to turn down any possible step forward.

Because I know that's all it would be even in the unlikely event that it gets accepted.

I could think, no news is good news.  But the other side of that, of course, is no news it because they don't care.

And under that and more important than that, is that it really hasn't been much time.

I'm thinking I should probably quit checking email for the next five days.  Finish the book, then check.  If I'm finished, it would be pretty hard to take that back.

I'm giving myself till the 20th of the month to do rewrites.  I'll just dip in every night and do a few chapters, at random.  Draw out a timeline and try to fix that.  Just overall try to improve the book.  Giving it a couple of weeks of rewrites is more than I usually do, and even then -- I plan to do another rewrite or two after I get it back from Lara.

Patience and hardwork are going to get me there.  Good work habits.

Whatever imagination I have burnished by learned skills and practice.

Downtown Comings and Goings. 5/2/13.

Seems like lots of new places opening, but almost all of them had been announced previously.

Wild Rose is the only new business listed here.

New York City Subs has moved out of downtown.


NEW BUSINESSES DOWNTOWN

Wild Rose, 5/2/13.
Bluebird Coffee Company, Franklin, 3/29/13.
Pure Kitchen, Franklin (Bond), 3/29/13
Jeff Murray Photography, Minnesota Ave., 3/29/13
Luvs Donuts, Minnesota Ave. 3/29/13
Hub Cyclery, Wall St. 3/29/13
Ju-bee-lee, Wall. St.  3/29/13.
Sweet Saigon, Wall St., 1/20/13.
Brickhouse, Oregon Ave., 1/20/13.
The Drake, Wall St. , 1/20/13
541 Threads, Minnesota Ave., 10/13/12.
O Mo Mo!  Bond Street, 10/3/12.
Crow's Feet Commons, Brooks Street, 9/21/12.
The Cozy Lamb, Minnesota Ave., 9/14/12.
Noi, Bond Street, 9/14/12.
Azillian Beads, Franklin Ave., 9/6/12.
Earth*Fire*Art, Oregon Av., 7/10/12.
Pastrami Deli, Franklin Av., 7/10/12.
Bend Your Imagination, Minnesota Av., 7/10/12.
Paul Scott Gallery), Brooks St., 7/10/12
Natural Edge Furniture, Bond St., 5/10/12
Hola!, Bond St., 3/3/12.
Amanda's, Franklin Ave., 2/24/12
Barrio, Minnesota Ave., 2/12/12.
Rescue Moderne, Harriman, 1/12/12.
Letzer's Deli, Franklin Ave. 2/12/12.
Navidi, Minnesota Ave., 2/9/12.
Mazza, Brooks St. , 2/9/12.
La Magie Bakery, Bond St., 1/6/12
Brother Jon's Ale House, Bond St., 12/10/11.
What Lola Wants, Wall St. , 12/2/11.
Jackalope Grill, 10/12/11.
Gypsy Soul, Wall St. 10/12/11.
Colour N' the City, Tin Pan Alley, 10/12/11.
Lotus Moon, Brooks St., 10/12/11.
The Lobby, Bond St. , 10/12/11.
Ruby, Minnesota Ave., 10, 12/11.
Kariella, Lava Road, 8/24, 11.
Plankers, Wall St., 7/11.
Faveur, Franklin, 7/11.
Dream Pebbles, Minnesota Ave., 6/15/11.
Bend Yogurt Factory, Franklin/Bond, 4/26/11.
High Desert Lotus, Bond St. , 4/4/11.
Tryst, Franklin Ave., 3/11/11. (Formerly Maryjanes, **Moved**).
D'Vine, Wall St. , 2/9/11.
Let it Ride!, Bond St., 1/29/11.
Gatsby's Brasserie Bar, Minnesota Ave., 1/8/11
Tres Jolie, Wall St., 12/20/10.
Caldera Grill, Bond St., 12/7/10
Bond Street Grill, 12/7/10.
Perspective(s), Minnesota Ave., 11/20/10
Toth Art Collective, Bond St. 11/20/10
Boken, Breezeway, 11/20/10
Dalia and Emilia, Wall St., 10/3/10.
Antiquarian Books, Bond St., 10/3/10.
Giddyup, Minnesota Ave., 10/3/10.
The Closet, Minnesota Ave., 8/11/10.
Showcase Hats, Oregon Ave., 8/11/10,
Red Chair Art Gallery, Oregon Ave. 7/13/10.
Earth Sense Herbs, Penny's Galleria, 7/12/10.
Mad Happy Lounge, Brooks St., 6/2910
Common Table, Oregon Ave. , 6/29/10.
Looney Bean Coffee, Brooks St. , 6/29/10.
Bourbon Street, Minnesota Ave., 6/22/10
Feather's Edge, Minnesota Ave., 6/22/10
The BLVD., Wall St. , 6/13/10.
Volt, Minnesota Ave. 6/1/10.
Tart, Minnesota Ave. , 5/13/10
Olivia Hunter, Wall St. 4/5/10.
Tres Chic, 4/5/10 (Moved to Minnesota Av.)
Blue Star Salon, Wall St. 4/1/10.
Lululemon, Bond St. 3/31/10.
Diana's Jewel Box, Minnesota Ave., 3/25/10.
Amalia's, Wall St. (Ciao Mambo space), 3/12/10
River Bend Fine Art, Bond St. (Kebanu space) 2/23/10
Federal Express, Oregon Ave. 2/1/10
***10 Below, Minnesota Ave. 1/10/10
Tew Boots Gallery, Bond St. 1/8/10.
Top Leaf Mate, 12/10/09
Laughing Girls Studio, Minnesota Ave. 12/7/09
Lemon Drop, 5 Minnesota Ave., 11/12/09
The Curiosity Shoppe, 25 N.W. Minnesota Ave, Suite #7. 11/5/09
Wabi Sabi 11/4/09 (**Moved, Wall St.**)
Frugal Boutique 11/4/09
5 Spice 10/22/09
Cowgirls Cash 10/17/09
***Haven Home 10/17/09
Dog Patch 10/17/09
The Good Drop 10/12/09
Lola's 9/23/09
**Volcano Wines 9/15/09
Singing Sparrow Flowers 8/16/09
Northwest Home Interiors 8/5/09
High Desert Frameworks 7/23/09 (*Moved to Oregon Ave. 4/5/10.)
Wall Street Gifts 7/--/09
Ina Louise 7/14/09
Bend Home Hardware (Homestyle Hardware?) 7/1/09
Altera Real Estate 6/9/09
Honey 6/7/09
Azura Studio 6/7/09
Mary Jane's 6/1/09
c.c.McKenzie 6/1/09
Velvet 5/28/09
Bella Moda 3/25/09
High Desert Gallery (Bend) 3/25/09
Joolz
Zydeco
900 Wall
Great Outdoor Store
Luxe Home Interiors
Powell's Candy
Dudley's Used Books and Coffee
Goldsmith
Game Domain
Subway Sandwiches
Bend Burger Company
Showcase Hats
Pita Pit
Happy Nails

(List begun, Fall, 2008.)

BUSINESSES LEAVING

New York City Sub, Bond St. 3/29/13
Soba Asian Bistro, Bond St., 3/29/13
Volt Lighting, Wall St.  3/29/13.
Topolino, Wall Street, 1/20/13.
Cozy Lamb, Minnesota Ave., 1/20/13 (moved inside, Bond St.)
Amalia's, Wall Street, 1/5/13.
El Jimador, Wall Street, 9/1412.
The Closet, Minnesota Ave., 9/1/12
Common Table, Oregon Ave., 8/11/12.
Honey Threads, Minnesota Ave., 8/11/12.
Bella Moda, Wall St., 8/11/12.
Giddy Up, Minnesota Ave., 5/10/12
Pottery Lounge, Oregon Ave., 5/17/12.
Boondocks, Newport Ave., 3/27/12
Game Domain, Oregon Ave., 3/27/12.
Toth Gallery, Bond St., 3/27/12.
Letzer's Deli, Franklin Ave., 3/22/12.
Clutch, Minnesota Ave., 3/22/12. (Moving to Tres Jolie).
High Desert Gallery, Minnesota Ave., 3/22/12.
Tart, Bond St., 3/3/12.
El Caporal West, Franklin Ave., 2/24/12
Bo Restobar, Franklin Ave., 2/9/12.
The Lobby, Bond St. , 2/9/12.
Arts Central, Brooks St., 2/7/12.
Typhoon!, Bond St., 2/5/12.
Gatsby's, Minnesota Ave., 2/5/12
The Dog Patch, Minnesota Av. 1/9/12.
Bend Mapping, Bond St., 1/9/12.
Lotus Moon, Brooks St. 1/9/12 (Moving into Tres Jolie)
Bond Street Grill, Bond St., 11/20/12.
Mad Happy Lounge, Brooks St., 10/11.
Azu, Wall St., 10/25/11.
Showcase Hats, Oregon Av., 10/11.
Bourbon St., Minnesota Ave. 10/12/11.
Curiosity Shop, Minnesota Ave., 7/11
Luluemon, Bond St., 8/26, 11.
Shear Illusions, Franklin Ave., 7/11.
Crepe Place, Wall St., 7/11.
Pita Pit, Brooks St. , 6/28/11
Smith and Wade Salon, Minnesota, Av. , 6/3/11.
Perspectives, Minnesota Av., 6/1/11
River Bend Art Gallery, Bond St., 5/5/11.
Donner's Flowers, Wall St. 3/11/11. (**Moved out of downtown**)
Maryjanes, Wall St. , 3/11/11. (new name, Tryst, moved to Franklin.).
Di Lusso, Franklin/Bond, 2/9/11.
Earth Sense Herbs, Penny's Galleria, 1/2/11
Marz Bistro, Minnesota Av., 12/20/10.
The Decoy, Bond St., 12/7/10.
Giuseppe's, Bond St., 12/1/10.
Ina Louise, Minnesota Ave., 11/3/10.
Laughing Girl Studios, 10/21/10
Dolce Vita, Bond St, 10/21/10
Diana's Jewell Box, Minnesota Ave., 10/15/10.
Lola's, Breezeway, 10/8/10.
Oxygen Tattoo, Bond St., 10/3/10.
Great Outdoor Clothing, Wall St., 10/3/10.
Volcano Vineyards, Minnesota Ave., 10/3/10.
Subway Sandwiches, Bond St. 9/2/10.
Old Bend Distillery, Brooks St., 6/19/10.
Staccato, Minnesota Ave. 6/18/10.
Showcase Hats, Minnesota Ave., 6/1/10 (Moved to Oregon Ave., 8/10/11.)
Cork, Oregon Ave., 5/27/10.
Wall Street Gifts, 5/26/10
Microsphere, Wall St. , 5/17/10.
Singing Sparrow, Franklin and Bond, 5/15/10
28, Minnesota Ave. and Bond, 5/13/10.
Glass Symphony, Wall St., 3/25/10
Bend Home Hardware, Minnesota Ave, 2/25/10
Ciao Mambo, Wall St. 2/4/10
***Angel Kisses 1/25/10 (Have moved to 'Honey.')
Ivy Rose Manor 8/20/09
***Downtowner 8/18/09 (moving into the Summit location)
Chocolate e Gateaux 8/16/09
Finders Keepers 8/15/09
Colourstone 7/25/09
Periwinkle 6/--/09
***Tangerine 7/21/09 (Got word, they are moving across the street.)
Micheal Cassidy Gallery 6/15/09
St. Claire Coffee 6/15/09
Luxe Home Interiors 6/4/09
Treefort 5/8/09
Blue 5/2/09
***Volcano Tasting Room 4/28/09** Moved to Minnesota Ave.
Habit 4/16/09
Mountain Comfort 4/14/09
Tetherow Property 4/11/09
Blue Moon Marketplace 3/25/09
Plenty 3/25/09
Downtown Doggie 3/25/09
***King of Sole (became Mary Janes)**
Santee Alley
Bistro Corlise
Made in Hawaii
EnVogue
Stewart Weinmann (leather)
Kebanu Gallery
Pella Doors and Windows
Olive company
Pink Frog
Little Italy
Deep
Merenda's
Volo
***Pomegranate (downtown branch)**
Norwalk
Pronghorn Real Estate office.
Speedshop Deli
Paper Place
Bluefish Bistro

(List begun, Fall, 2008 )

After Wolflander -- Ghostlander?

Wrote the second Donner Party chapter.  The incidents just seemed to lend themselves to the rhythm of my chapters.  What I think may happen is that I'll continue to develop this so that it's a little mini-story inside the larger story.  I think up to 6 or 7 chapters.

I'm finding that story and plot are getting slightly easier, the writing itself slightly harder.  But the writing can be fixed, whereas the plot is much harder to change, so I'm OK with that.

Have to work at the store for a few days, then another writing session.  Plan to finish the main body of the first draft at the end of that week.  Then another week for the Flashback chapters, then another week for a rewrite, then hand it over to Lara and forget about it.

I'm intending to cycle my books from now on.  While one is being edited and letting itself fade a little so it stays fresh and I can come back to it with new perspective, I'll work on something else.  Then repeat the process.

 I'm thinking yet another Cobb book.  This one about ghosts.  I have a major character killed heroically in Wolflander, so I thought maybe I can bring her back as a ghost.  I especially like that with ghosts, anything I come up with is acceptable.  I can go anywhere I want with it. I can make up any thing I want and who's to vouchsafe it? (Always wanted to use that word...)

One of the first stories I remember Linda telling me when we met was about the Winchester house in California -- the heiress felt guilty about her father's inventing such a deadly rifle and a medium told her that as long as she kept building on the house that she wouldn't die.  So she built this mansion with staircases leading nowhere and rooms with not exits and so on.

So I'll just make of a fictional version of that house in Bend.  That's haunted.

My little team of characters is growing by about one character per book.  One of the surviving werewolves is going to be part of the team.  Cool.

I'm still focused on the writing -- and probably will be for another couple of years.  Marketing the book comes in as a distant second.

I think I'm getting better.  I think that as I get better, I can upgrade what I've already written.  I think that I want to put my strongest effort as my first effort and that I've probably not written my strongest effort yet.

So I think.

State of the Business, 1st Qrt. +

I'm hearing more and more reports of huge increases in comic sales across the country.  In fact, the increase in slow copies has been larger than the entire digital presence. Needless to say, this isn't happening with most mediums.

Comics have always been a funny business.  The things I first thought of as weaknesses -- the small market, the inability to break into the bigger world -- have turned out the be strengths.  The artwork and visual presentation of comics make them more ideal as a slow product, rather than a digital product.  So instead of comic shops being showrooms for digital, I think -- so far -- digital has been a showroom for comics.

The mechanics of comics have kept them a independent store phenomenon instead of being readily transferable to a national chain, the mass market, even to some extent the internet.  (Can't be sure this will continue, of course.)

So far, I'm not seeing the huge increases in sales, but this isn't unusual when it comes to national trends.  I often see a significant lag -- six months or a year -- before I start experiencing what everyone else experiences. 

I find the quality of material outside DC and Marvel to be reassuring.  Image especially seems to have it together.

As I've said,  I'm more interested this year in trying to increase the efficiency of the store, and increasing its margins, than I am in gross sales -- or increases in gross sales.  I'm constrained, as always, by the space I have.  If I want to create more room for a product, something else has to be consolidated.

I've managed not to incur any debt during the slow months, which is unusual, and have been able to -- mostly -- keep up the inventory.  Mostly, spot shortages as usual, but the overall stock has stayed high.

I have about two more weeks to go before I can open up the spigots for summer spending.  About 15 to 20% more than I've been doing this spring.  I'm going to assume that I'll start seeing some of those people on vacation who have pushing comics sales up elsewhere.  With any luck, they'll spur the locals to give comics a try again.

Perfect gardening weather.

GARDENING.

Did the middle third of the back garden.  I'm going to finish off the last third today.  I've tried really hard not to go off on tangents.  I have some overgrown plants I want to subdivide and plant elsewhere, but I need to prepare new ground first.

Nope.  Stick to cleaning the existing garden before I do anything else.

The front garden should only take one more day, possibly even counting the side garden.  Two days at most.

Then finally, the big, big job of cleaning up the side on the other side of the fence which has always been out of sight out of mind. 

Perfect weather for gardening.  Cool.  Time to get it done.

Then, I'm going to spend the next week fertilizing everything.

Only then will I attempt to open up new territory and try transplanting.

WRITING.

Wrote a Donner Party chapter.  I've decided to extend this side story into three or four chapters.  All kinds of werewolfian things happened on that journey.  Lots of interesting characters and incidents.

Really, it should be it's own book.  I can't tell if anyone has ever combined Donner Party and werewolves.  There appears to be a White Wolf game scenario that uses elements.

Hard to believe no one had done this idea. 

In thinking of it as a full book, it would be a real stretch of my abilities.  Especially, the getting the details and the dialogue right, as well as the full range of emotions and horror.

I'm going to write my little chapters for Wolflander and see where they lead. 

Just a inch above the ground.

GARDENING.

Gardened for about 5 hours yesterday.  Stopped because I don't want to get so sore that I can't do it again.  Burn myself out too early.

I got about a third of the back garden done.  The most visible prominent part.  Which is what I do every year.  The problem with that is that the reverse is also true --  I do the least visible part last every year.  I have a stretch along the side of the house on the other side of the fence which I keep thinking I'm going to get to, but never do.  It's pretty disgraceful.

I prefer to pull weeds up by hand, one by one, doing the job thoroughly.

Anyway, I hauled out the Roundup and megadosed it this year.  Then I'm going to weed-whack it, then I'm going to dig it all up.  Do it industrial strength.

I'm disappointed in the survival rates in the plants I've purchased.  Some of this is me and misplacement of sprinklers and the plants.  But I think some of it is the plants just aren't hardy.  I don't remember too many of my Mom's plants not surviving.

I was going to see which plants thrived and then just settle on those and subdivide them, but I still don't think I have enough variety.  So I'm going to try one more time.  Maybe do some research on hardy perennials for Central Oregon.  I don't know -- some plants that everyone else does well with, I think I kill just by looking at them;  phlox, for instance.  Everyone can grow phlox -- except me.



WRITING.

Meanwhile, I didn't do any writing on WOLFLANDER.   I remain stalled at about 6 chapters from the end.  I didn't expect to stall, but I think I just overdid it there for a couple of weeks and burned myself out.

A steady pace is a better idea.

I wanted to bring some emotion to these final chapters, and I'm sort of waiting for that spark.  Being so close to the end, I think I can give myself that time.

I have several flashback chapters to do.  The conceit of the flashbacks, what gives it a slightly western flavor, it that famous incidents of cannibalism in the West -- the Donner Party, Alfred Packer, were actually cases of werewolves...

So I may attempt to write those, while waiting for inspiration of the end.  I also plan a chapter on Skinwalkers, which is a pretty obvious parallel.  I'm thinking a chapter with Lon Chaney.   I've done a chapter on the French incident -- the loup garou.  I'm thinking a gypsy chapter.

All these are colorful settings and characters -- which adds some spice to the book, I think.

My local editor, Lara, has a touching faith in NEARLY HUMAN.  I think she's invested in the book by putting so much work into it.  Still, it's nice to think she really thinks the book is good enough.  It certainly got much better toward the end.  So now I'm just waiting -- I don't expect the publisher to take it, but I'm hoping he's positive enough toward it to somehow leverage some kind of approach to an agent or something...

Who knows...

Sat. sats.

Four days of not writing, a bit of a vacation.  I'm so close to finishing the first draft though, I kind of want to get that done.



Went to see Oblivion yesterday, which I'd call a medium kind of science fiction film -- pretty simple by book standards, not bad for a movie.  Many of the reviews and some of the word of mouth was that it was 'complicated' so I expected a kind of P.K. Dick surprise, but pretty much not.

I see this a lot with science fiction movies -- they seem simplistic to me, and complicated to others.  It must just be familiarity with the tropes.




Was reading the East of West comic, and it made me realize that when you really want some way out imagination without border or limits, comics really do that.  They deal with wild ideas and images even better than movies do.  Something about the format lets reality and imagination just blur.




Breaking out my gardening clothes -- long sleeved white t-shirt, beat up slacks, cowboy boots and hat.  Put the laptop and a jar of lemonade on the deck table and get to work.  Try to do gardening and writing at the same time.

As much as I write, I'm still lazy.

Read the first chapter of Wolflander at writer's group and I think it went over well.  Pam, who says she never reads any science fiction or horror, thought it was something she could read, that it wasn't too "explicit."

I'm thinking:  Is that a good thing?

I have trouble these days with labels.  I call what I do "dark fantasy" because that seems like a broader term than fantasy, horror, or whatever.

Indeed, because these books are set in Bend and I try to bring in the local landscape and history -- there is a 'western' flavor to these books, too.  So fantasy/horror/western.  What is that?


Meanwhile, I'm finally going to get out into the garden and do some cleaning.  I'm looking forward to writing and gardening at the same time.  They are complimentary to each other.  Pulling weeds and thinking, going over and jotting down my ideas, going back to the pulling weeds.


I've written so many words over the last few weeks, that not writing the last three days has been like a fever breaking.  It's a bit of a relief.

I look back at my delirium in amazement.


I've come to a relatively firm assessment of my writing and one thing really stands out.  As much as I write, I'm also lazy and impatient.  If I can just get myself to really work at it -- that is, do the necessary rewriting -- I think my efforts will turn out better. 

I'm not as worried about my creative ideas or my writing skills as I am about my work process.  If I've improved at all, its because I've gotten more effective in my approach -- which, along with the wonderful technology -- has made it possible for me to write more.

So I just really need to bear down on the hard part -- the rewriting, and really keep working at it.  Take the time to get it right.  Not rush things.

As I've mentioned before, I want to be effective at rewriting -- but I also want to retain the freshness of the story for as long as possible.

I'm refining the work process, basically.

1.)  Working out how to outline and plan, both for the long run and for the next day.

2.)  How fast to write the actual book.

3.)  And then how to retain freshness while I work on rewriting the book.

I've got the basics down, and now I'm sort of figuring out the most effective methods.

'Marketing' is in the future -- a sort of hazy impossible cliff.  I'll just keep writing until I've got something I think is really, really good and use that book as my possible entry point.

Meanwhile, just keep writing and hopefully get better.

Go ahead create, you guys. (Never mind the money.)

Lots of activity in comics, right now.

At least there is the impression of much more activity in comics than there used to be. 

Of course, the internet has much to do with that.  But there seems to be more shows, more meetings, more interaction than ever before.  More aspiring young writers (and not so young) and artists and publishers.  More commentary and reviews and just .... all around creative energy.

But...I wonder if there is any more money floating around than there ever was?

Huge money for the corporate owners of the big franchises of course.  But it seems to me that very little of that money trickles down.  The corporations are mining very old ideas, actually.  The Batman movies were based on stories and themes that are 20 years old, at least.  The Marvel movies, even further back.

There is the occasional indy success -- but again, the money doesn't seem to stretch very far.  There is some credibility lent -- though not as much as there should be.  The snobbishness toward comics will never go away.  (I used to think we could break through the bias, but now I don't believe it will ever happen.)

The store is selling slightly more comics, but nothing dramatic (though I'm getting reports that stores in the bigger cities are seeing a resurgence, and if that is true I'll see it something in the future.)

I've quit worrying that comics will die altogether, at least.  (Which, as some wag pointed out, has been a worry from the beginning of comics as readership seems to shrink with every decade.)

Having my young guys working at the store has helped, I think.  I can probably make the store run better when I'm there, but it's difficult to generate the enthusiasm that my guys are showing.

But everyone seems to be involved in ways that involves rewards that aren't money.  A little bit of attention, a little bit of fellowship, a little bit more ease in the creation and non-paying suffusion of creative efforts.  

Periodically there is the concern that artists are -- you know -- actually starving.  That creators of the previous generation didn't actually  make any money. 

But meanwhile, the creative ferment just keeps bubbling.  I suspect the same circumstances are there for all the creative fields -- music, painting, writing, etc. etc. 

It's like the world has conspired to make it easier for artists to create -- it just doesn't want to pay them anything...

Interesting, and I have no idea with it means for the future. 

The dangers of expansion.

It's the American way.  If you're successful, expand.  Open another location.  Do more stuff!

Of course, all those things may very well lead you away from what made you successful in the first place.

A couple of local defunct restaurant owners are fighting it out in court, plus some apparently less than informed investors.

I expanded into four stores once.  It worked for a couple of years, and then it didn't.  I won't go into all the reasons why.  I borrowed the money, I paid it back.  No partners, thankfully.

One thing I noticed about this story in the paper:  the guy being sued borrowed the money -- took on investors -- but it appears that there weren't controls to keep the money from being spent on already existing restaurants.

I'll tell you what I think happened -- the guy had businesses that were almost working, and he tried to shore them up first, thinking if he did that, he'd have the resources to do all the expansions.  Of course, if the the businesses aren't working now, throwing more money at the problem isn't usually the solution.  You have to change the way your doing business, fundamentally, and very few people can do that.

Closing the other three stores was one of the hardest maneuvers I've ever done.  I was more or less out of the cashflow while the expenses lingered.  It's was difficult to keep the whole thing from cascading downward.  I was in danger of customers abandoned the store, that kind of thing.

I think I was pretty smart about it.  I expanded the downtown Bend store at roughly the same time I closed the Redmond and Sisters stores -- which kept my customers from leaving. 

Anyway, the point of this post is to say -- sometimes you're better off just to keep on doing what you're doing, and resist the temptations to get bigger.  Everyone but everyone will tell you to "go for it."  But make sure you've really got all the bases covered before you try, and be aware that you may be adding all kinds of stress and expenses, and all the extra revenue will most likely go toward paying for others to run the other businesses.

It took a long time to get over the trauma of that.  When we decided to open the Bookmark, it was because Linda was there to run it, otherwise it never would have happened.

Be satisfied with moderate success -- even if it isn't the American Way.

Apology accepted, Micheal Bay.

A pet peeve of mine is the movie Armageddon.  I hated it.  Really viscerally hated it.  So much so that I swore I'd never go to another Micheal Bay movie, and I've stuck with that vow.

I rarely hate movies.  There are lots of movies I dislike -- say, the third Twilight movie.  But I can think of only one other movie that I hated this much, and that was Natural Born Killers.  Not because it was violent -- I mean, I liked Devil's Rejects and just about any other movies like that.  I hated it because it was creepily cynical.  Like a movie made by a sociopath that was supposed to be a message about sociopaths.

Anyway, back to Armageddon.

Apparently, Micheal Bay is apologizing for it:  Said he'd redo that last third if he could.

OK.  If he has balls enough to apology, I think I'll give him another chance. 

New strategy for rewrites.

I've come up with a new theory for rewrites.

For me, one of the most important things is for a book is to stay fresh.  What works for me is to write a quick first draft, feeling it, not worrying about being polished, but trying the get the macro problems right; plot and story, characters and theme, emotion and catharsis.

I tend to be a little sketchy when I write this way.  My second draft are always bigger than my first drafts.  I tend to go back and put in more description, more telling details.

I also need to polish the words.  These are more like micro problems.

So one of my problems with rewriting is that I tend to go over the whole book, beginning to end, and then do it again and again.

Imagine reading the same book 10 times in a row, and you'll get a sense of what happens.  The story becomes nonsense, the words a jumble.

Eventually, if I work on a book long and hard enough, this always happens.  The irony being, in trying to make the book more readable for the reader, I've made it less readable to me.

So, like I say, I try to hold this off this singularity event for as long as possible.

When I write the first draft, I'm concerned with the overall story.  By the time I write the third or fourth draft, I'm focused on individual scenes, then paragraphs, then sentences, then words.  It gets more and more micro, the more polished it is.

With Nearly Human, I put the numbers of the chapters in a hat and worked on the randomly and that seemed to work.  I've been thinking theoretically, that when I begin focusing on sentences and paragraphs, I could almost do it backwards!  I may actually try that.

I wish I liked rewriting more -- but none of the macro matters if I don't get the micro right -- and vice versa.

Sequels are different, it turns out.

I've never written a sequel before and I'm learning there are some things about sequels that are different.

I'm finding it's hard to incorporate the characters from the first book in a meaningful way.  I mean, I told their story last time.

The new characters seem to be taking over.  They seem to have more skin in the game, if you will.

So instead of being major characters, the original characters have become secondary characters, which I don't think is supposed to happen.

I'm hoping to fix this in the rewrite, I suppose.  Find stronger motives for the main characters to be involved.  Besides that whole "End of the World" thing.

Obviously, I can't give all the old characters as much space if I'm adding new characters -- or each book would just have more and more characters that have to be given their own space.

I think the answer is, that of Cobb and Co.  I need to pick Cobb and one or two of the other part of Co. to focus on each book.  Bring them in and out of the books.  But always Cobb.

So in the rewrite, my goal will be to have Cobb much more involved in the book.

One way of doing this is with his flashbacks -- Cobb visiting historical characters and/or situations.  Brings Cobb in without disrupting the main plot.  That is, if the flashbacks themselves don't disrupt the main plot.

Why can't this be easy?

Maybe sequel is the wrong word.  This is the second book set in the same place with many of the same characters involved, but not really a continuation of the story.  So maybe Cobb and Co. will be j involved in every adventure, but not the main protagonists.

I don't know.  I have to figure this out.  
 

Alone in a room.

I was watching Cspan last night after a very long day of writing.

One of the writers on a panel said,  (paraphrasing):  "All it takes to be a writer is to be alone in a room for a very long time."

It's a very odd experience.  Probably not all that healthy mentally or physically. 

Then again, I think giving your creative urges the chances to bloom is very healthy.   I've decided that lots of people are creative, and lots of people are talented, and lots of people have the desire -- but most of them never get around to making the commitment for any number of reasons.

Its easy to dabble in creativity, but to fully commit is a much bigger sacrifice.  I'm fortunate that I'm at a point in my life where I can make that leap of faith.  The store is doing well, my wife is very supportive -- she's doing the same thing, actually.  (We met in a writer's group 30 years ago, both of us writing fantasy.) 

I'm not sorry I spent all my creative energy on the store all these years.  I was immediately rewarded for my efforts, it provided a living -- at times -- and it gave me independence.  The store reinforced my positive tendencies, socialized me, kept me engaged.  Writing would have reinforced most of the negative tendencies, and might not have turned out so well.

Besides, I'm making up for lost time.  I wrote the most words yesterday that I think I've ever written in one day.  Every book I finish just reinforces the notion that I can do this. 

Whether I can do it successfully remains to be seen.  It's a little like working full time on a job for six months or a year on your own hoping that someone will like what you've done and pay you for it.

To be honest, I don't think I'd have the guts to do it if I hadn't published those three books.  I'd be so full of doubt, it would paralyze me.  I was naive back then, and got lucky, but it is an indication that I'm not completely wasting my time.

As I said, the more I write, the better I think I get, the easier it gets -- the more I write -- and so on.

Meanwhile, I'm alone in a room.

That was a pretty cool movie...gunfights! Car chases! Manhunt!

I don't want to minimize the tragedy.  The deaths of innocent people and the awful carnage from below.

But we all got pretty caught up in the narrative of the story.   Like a movie that was so exciting we were willing to sit through the slow parts.

To me, there was a lot of troubling aspects to the whole thing.  I mean, I think it's great they caught the guy alive.  But I wonder if we'll discover a larger reason than the uncle's "They're losers!"

I could go on -- but almost all my concerns were about the varying levels of what happened, not so much what happened, and since the levels are something that can be endlessly argued, there isn't much point.

So for instance, is 1 cop every 50 feet enough, or do we need 1 cop every 25 feet?  Or every 10 feet?

Did the level of attention it all got just give the terrorists what they wanted?  What's the right level of attention?  Are we all drama junkies?

Is shutting down an entire city the right response?  An entire transportation corridor?  What message does that give copycats?

And so on.  And so on.

I'm ambivalent. 

All the news in 6 hours --- or 2 minutes.

I'm on a writing trip, trying to push through the first draft of Wolflander. 

I got my quota of words written yesterday, barely, but then I got caught up in the news. 

I feel like I wasted 6 hours of my life, when all I had to do is turn on the computer and get the same news in 2 minutes this morning.  But that stuff is addicting -- and irritating.  I swear at one point I wanted to throw my shoe at the screen if one more reporter said, "We repeat. We don't know if this is related to Marathon bombings."  We get it.  We get it.

I wonder, a little, if we aren't just giving the message to the world that one guy on the loose can shut down America.  Then again, if this kind of things becomes old hat, we're in trouble.

So -- going to try real hard not to check the news or T.V. and get all of what happens in a two minute report when I'm done writing.

Sheesh.

It's about time.

Just for a change of pace, I thought I'd talk about Pegasus Books today.

There's a reason I haven't been talking about it -- no news is good news.  Things are just humming along nicely.

The big thing I'm trying to do is not get in the way of the store -- just let it run, without pushing it one direction or another.  It took me a very long time to get the mix of product right, but I think I got there a year or two ago.

I'm trying very hard to keep the store up, but not overspend.  That's the main thing.   The hardest thing to do is to change a pattern once I've been doing it a long time.  For a long time I was looking for every possibility to buy -- sales, volume discounts, special offers, etc. etc.

Now, I'm trying to maintain the store, without overspending. 

So far I've had three and a half months without breaking discipline.  It's still hard, even now.  I see all kinds of things I'd like to buy for the store.  But I'm trying to stick the the essentials, and not fall into debt during the slow months.

I broke down once -- I made a huge game order that I'm still trying to absorb.

The equation is essentially this -- slightly lower sales, slightly higher profits.  Less risk, paying as I go. 

Starting in about mid-May, I'll be able to increase my budget by 10 to 20%, say 15%, and I'll try to fill in all the holes that have developed in the slow months.  Of course, with increased seasonal sales, I'll probably just continue to keep up.

I've purposely stayed away from the store -- not just because I want to write, but also because I want to see how the store runs itself.  I'm less inclined to get a sudden urge to spend money if I'm not there.  I'm also wanting my employees to establish their presence at the store, and trying to distinguish how much sales are me and my giving deals and buying stuff -- and how much is the store and the inventory.

Another month of two and I figure this new approach will be habit.  Already, I'm finding it easier to avoid temptation.  Every time I go to work, I'm reassure by the depth of the inventory and that we're keeping the essentials in stock.  In fact, I may be keeping more essentials in stock because I don't go off and spent all the money on some new buying spree.

I don't know that I've ever strung a year together where I was disciplined and didn't break down and overspend.  So maybe it's about time.

Ridiculously productive.

I continue to be ridiculously productive.

I've given in to my obsessive/compulsive tendencies and I'm writing as much as I want.  I won't even tell you how fast I'm writing Wolflander, because it's kind of embarrassing.

The only thing that seems to be limiting me is the hours in the day -- and an overall nagging sense that I should give myself a little breathing room to let the creative wellspring fill.

Who knows how long this will last?  I may have a ton of material done before I even start to try to market them.

I've worked out the process -- which I think was most of the battle.  I've found a rhythm that seems to maximize my creative urge.  I've removed artificial limits about how much I can and should write.  I've focused on the creative part and made it an internal process that is complete in and of itself.

I have a ton of creative energy -- which I spent 30 years lavishing on my store.  I don't think other people can see it when it's used on work, but when the words just keep flowing like this, it's pretty hard to hide. This blog has been a hint at how much energy I have for words -- I've always actually kind of held back.  Believe it or not.

Not saying it's immortal literature -- but I do think I'm getting better.  The focus is on a good story, that I hope people will enjoy.  In order to get there, I'm trying to tell myself a good story that I enjoy.

No shortage of ideas -- just of time, and physical energy.  Both of which I'm expending in perhaps ridiculous amounts. 

But I'm going to keep giving myself permission.